Up For Air
by Cieloluna
Summary: Fresh out of rehab, Bella Swan wants to focus on herself for her Junior year of High School. In order to do so, she knows what she doesn't want to do: drugs, disappoint her mother and lose herself again. She also doesn't want to like new boy Edward Cullen. You can't always get what you want. AH, HEA, BxE
1. Yes, I'm Changing

**Playlist: Yes I'm Changing by Tame Impala**

* * *

Bella wasn't sure that being here was a good idea.

The summer before junior year was coming to a close, and every other student would be damned if they missed Tyler Crowley's back-to-school party. Like any other 17-year-old girl, it was hard not to worry about missing out.

Bella had other things to worry about, though.

While everyone else was busy back to school shopping, trying to save their summer flings or plotting their glow-ups, Bella Swan was leaving Saint Mary's Rehabilitation and Healing Center, her gold coin grasped tightly in her hands.

Leaving was bittersweet. On the one hand, it meant she had completed her 60 day program. It was the longest she had been sober since she was thirteen.

On the other hand, she would return to her regular life, her regular emotions-_without_ the surveillance of doctors and nurses. Sober, Bella knew that she could no longer run from herself. The pills had always given her that- the sweetest escape.

But she had done and regretted so much. This time she wanted to be a better person.

So as soon as she had gotten into her Aunt Carmen's car, she knew things would be different.

And everything was different now. After _the incident, _Bella's mother had reached her limit. Renee refused to have a thief and liar under her roof -Not anymore, and especially not with 8 year old Alice around.

"_Can't you fucking see that she looks up to you? She thinks everything you do is cool. What you did- what you've been doing to yourself? It's not cool!" _Renee had choked out on her last visit, _"It not cool."_

Bella could see that her mother had reached her wits end; tired of having a fuck-up for a daughter. Aunt Carmen had assured Bella it was far more complex than that. Carmen knew that her sister couldn't live with the overwhelming guilt, the nagging feeling that she had failed her daughter. She felt like a bad mother and as long as Bella was like this, she couldn't run from the fact.

In the end, it had been agreed that Bella had to go. At least for a little while.

Now nearing the end of August, Bella had been living with her Aunt for about a month.

There were rules, of course, but Carmen didn't really hover.

She could empathize with Bella a bit, having been the wilder sister in her youth. It had never gotten as bad as Bella, but it was close. Now, she worked to give Bella the trust she needed to believe in herself. Besides, Bella had been very good this past month. If she wasn't dancing or visiting her mother, she was at home.

So when Bella had reluctantly asked Carmen about Tyler's party, Carmen had flicked her hands, insisting she go.

"_I trust you. Trust yourself."_ She had said, her brown eyes sincere.

Bella wanted to try.

* * *

Bella's eyes darted around the dark room, taking in the smells and faces. Though Bella had lived in Port Angeles since she was 13 years old, her reappearance tonight had people staring at her like she was new. Some people waved or greeted her. Others stared and shared whispers.

_I think she was at rehab this summer _

_percs, oxy…whatever she could find, bro _

Without the dulling effects of the pills, she could feel herself becoming easily overwhelmed. How the fuck had she ever gone through life sober?

She felt her hand being squeezed softly, her eyes darting up. Rosalie stood in front of Bella now, her face one of concern as her blue eyes perused Bella's face.

"If this is too much," She started, shaking her head. "Just say the word. We're out."

Rosalie was sweet, the sweetest person Bella knew. Lanky, tall and blonde she was Bella's opposite in every way but nevertheless her closest friend.

Bella sighed. Looking up at Rosalie, she offered a small smile, meant to be reassuring.

"I'm good. It's just weird…being here now. Embarrassing? I don't know."

It wasn't the attention that bothered her. Bella didn't mind being the center of attention. She was a dancer, and confident in her skills. But nobody liked _negative_ attention and though she knew several people in the room who had done far worse, she was the one who had been caught, all her shit aired out for everyone's entertainment.

"I get it. I totally get it. Fuck it, though. We came to get lit…soberly, in your case." Rosalie stated.

Bella laughed. Taking another deep breath, she worked to relax and enjoy the party.

_Trust yourself,_ She thought

A small smile graced Bella's face. Grabbing Rosalie's other hand, she pulled her along as she made her way to the dancing crowd.

_Fuck it._

"This is our song!" Rosalie yelled.

Bella laughed as they both began to lose themselves to the beat of _Promiscuous Girl_. Bella let it all go. She moved her body sensually, her hands caressing her shapely figure every so often.

For the first time in a long time, she felt good. She was in her element and everyone in attendance that night knew it.

Especially new boy Edward Cullen.

* * *

Bella knew it wouldn't be long before Emmet McCarty consumed Rosalie's every thought. As soon as he had squeezed by the dancing girls, a soft "Excuse me" leaving his mouth, Rosalie could think or speak of nothing else.

Bella found it cute and a bit comical. Rosalie was social enough, but really more on the quiet side. From the few interactions Bella had had with him, Emmet seemed to be the same way.

Pulling her off the dance floor, Bella led Rosalie into the almost empty kitchen towards the front of the house.

"You should dance with him." Bella said slyly, reaching into the fridge for a can a ginger-ale.

Rosalie got visibly pale.

"Easy for you to say! You can do that kind of shit, you're gorgeous! And can sexy dance…ugh"

Bella could feel herself getting irritated. She never liked hearing Rosalie tear herself down or compare herself- especially when none of it was true. Rosalie didn't like her tall and lanky frame or her pin straight blonde hair. She thought it was boring.

Bella knew that was bullshit. Rosalie was beautiful- inside and out.

"Are you being deadass right now? You're beautiful. Stop it." Bella admonished, waving her hands in Rosalie's general direction. "He had all the space in the world back there but he came and brushed up against your ass. He likes you."

Rosalie remained unsure.

"C'mon Rose."

Rose needed some liquid courage and looked at Bella apologetically before grabbing a bottle of _Tito's_ vodka and slamming back what was left of the bottle.

"Ugh" she shuddered. Before she could recover, Bella grabbed her again as they made their way back to the dance-floor. Once there, Bella knew what she had to do. The unmistakeable sound of Kevin Lyttle's _Turn Me On_ blared through the speakers in the room. It was perfect.

Though she was shorter, Bella positioned herself behind Rose, gripping her hips in an effort to guide their dancing. The music and alcohol made its way through Rosalie's head, and soon enough she settled into a steady rhythm.

Surveying the room, Bella found Emmett leaning against the arm of a couch. Catching his eye, she beckoned him forward with a jerk of her head. He looked around before turning back, his eyes questioning. Bella nodded her head in affirmation, her eyes widening as if to say, "_Yes, you- who else?!_"

Making his way over, Bella held her hand out to him. As soon as he grasped it, he found himself switching places with Bella, Rosalie's ass girding on him now.

Rosalie turned and squeaked, faltering a bit before regaining the rhythm she had found before.

Her mission accomplished, Bella smirked as she made her way to the back porch where she climbed onto the railing before lighting the joint she had stashed in her bra.

She wasn't technically supposed to do _any _drugs, but Bella felt that weed was more medicinal than anything and didn't really count.

At least, that's what she told herself.

As she inhaled the thick smoke, she couldn't help smiling, hoping her plan had set something in motion for her friend.

She wasn't surprised when she heard the back door open, knowing plenty of people used the back exit.

She _was _surprised to hear the deep voice that accompanied the person, as it wasn't one she had heard before.

"You in the mood to share?" The voice asked, his voice smooth and low.

Turning her head, Bella's eye's landed on a tall boy. She thought he looked well built under his grey hoodie and he had to be at least 6'2. His auburn-brown hair and dark green eyes were illuminated by the shitty porch light. Even then, he was clearly gorgeous.

Hoping she wasn't obvious in her perusal, she offered him a small smile before handing him the blunt.

"You caught me in a good mood."

Taking a hit, the boy held Bella's eyes before exhaling and smirking back at her.

"Lucky me."

"Mhmm," she hummed. "You're definitely new here. What's your name?" She asked.

"Yeah, Yeah, I am. Edward, you?" She liked the slight accent she heard

"Bella,"

"Cool. Nice to meet you," he chuckled.

"Same." She nodded, trying not to sound flirty. She was _so_ not doing that this year.

"Who do you know here?" Bella asked, wondering how he'd even heard about the party. She was beginning to feel invasive but not enough to stop.

"Ah…" he started, "You know Jasper? Kind of blonde.." He tousled his own dark hair.

"Oh! Jasper's my good friend. We're on the High School's dance team together"

"He's my cousin." Edward smiled.

Bella nodded, not seeing any resemblance. Running out of questions- at least, the appropriate kind- The two remained on the porch, passing the blunt back and forth in comfortable silence at first. Eventually, they began small talk, learning small bits of information about one another. Every so often, she would feel the brush of his fingers, and couldn't help but steal glances out of the corner of her eye. She hoped that she seemed outwardly…chill. The bud helped but even that couldn't quell the occasional fluttering in her stomach.

"It's done" Edward murmured, flicking the clip over the porch.

Bella glanced at her phone's screen, seeing that it was nearly 3 am. She had one text from Rose, no doubt curious about her whereabouts. This confused Bella- shouldn't she be having a hot make-out session with him? It had only been about thirty minutes. Instead of answering, she hopped down and decided to find her. She turned to Edward, and just as she opened her mouth to say goodbye, he spoke.

"So…dance team, huh?" He asked, looking at her through his lashes as he leaned on the railing.

"Yeah. It's a great group, we're hoping to make nationals this time around."

"That makes sense." He said lightly, nodding his head. He looked like he had just confirmed a suspicion.

"Yeah, I mean we're trying to-"

"Nah" He interrupted, "I meant you being on a dance team. It makes sense."

Brows furrowed, Bella tilted her head in confusion.

"I saw you in there. You looked good." He said. "I mean, you were good. Good dancing." he hurried to clarify, ears turning red.

Bella smirked. He was too cute.

"Thanks." She giggled, hating that he made her do so.

Her giggles calmed Edward, causing him to chuckle along with her.

Too caught up in one another, the two were startled when Rose opened the back door with a loud bang.

"We have to leave. I'm lit. Like bad lit. I fucking threw up on Emmet's shirt! I can never fucking face him again…" Rose wailed, her breaths coming rapidly.

Throwing an apologetic look Edward's way, Bella walked over to a sniffling Rose.

"Ah shit, Ro. Don't cry."

At that, Rose cried harder. Her sobs were beginning to get loud.

"Let's go, c'mon." She said, putting her arms around her friend.

"I'll take you guys in my car." Edward offered, looking wearily at Rose.

Bella looked back at Rose who nodded her head vigorously in agreement. The girls had walked to the party, but Rose wasn't sure she could stop her sobbing. She didn't want to wake the nosy neighbors and have her late-night feelings reported back to her mother.

Looking back at Edward, Bella nodded.

—

After getting directions from Bella, Edward slowly pulled up to Aunt Carmen's home. Edward was both disappointed and relieved. On the drive there, Rose had gotten sick twice, both times into a Chinese takeout container and it really smelled.

On the other hand, he hadn't gotten enough time to talk to Bella. To look at her.

Once the car had come to a stop, everyone remained seated. Rose's sniffles could be heard as she leaned on Bella in the backseat.

Looking up, Bella caught Edward's eyes. Full of mirth and amusement, they took in the scene before them.

"Need help getting her in?" He asked, trying to suppress his smirk.

Before Bella could respond, Rosalie sat up; eyes halfway closed and spoke.

"I-" hiccup, "can do it. I got it."

Edward and Bella watched as she reached over and opened the car door. Stumbling, she quickly made her way up the gravel driveway and onto the porch. Edward and Bella laughed.

Again, the two sat silent; neither one wanting to leave the other's presence.

"Thank you. Seriously. I owe you one." Bella said, looking up at him.

Edward had his head down, scrolling through his phone. The light from the screen revealed the cute smirk Bella had come to really like appear on his face.

Suddenly, he turned in his seat, handing his phone over to Bella.

"Here. You should put your number in there…for whatever." He said quietly, his ears turning red again.

Bella looked at him, briefly wondering if this was a good idea. While at 's, she had promised herself she wouldn't get involved with a boy this year. In addition to her last…relationship being complicated, she didn't know if she could focus. Besides, almost everyone around her had agreed that it was best to hold off.

Not popping pills took a lot of effort and restraint. A boy, especially a boy like Edward Cullen, could only distract from that…right?

"Sorry, it's cool if you don't-" Edward began to fumble, embarrassed.

Bella grabbed his phone, almost yanking it out of his hands. She was being silly. They had just met, and he had hardly asked her for…anything really. He would be a good friend.

"No, sorry…I like, spaced out for a second." She explained.

Opening his contacts application, Bella plugged in her number. Where it asked for a contact name, Bella typed in a 'B' instead of her full name. She hesitated before putting an emoji next to the letter, hoping he thought it was cute or funny. Once satisfied, she handed the phone back.

Glancing at the screen, Edward laughed.

"I get it. Tango, dancing lady…cause you dance?"

Bella nodded, enjoying the sound of his laugh.

"What's my emoji?" He asked.

Taking her phone out of her pocket, she saw that he had already sent her text with his name. Wanting to match, Bella added his contact information, an 'E' in the place of his full name. After some thought, she added a star next to the letter. She turned the screen to show him.

"A star. Cause you were the star of the night." She said. He liked it.

Glancing back at Rose, who was now sleeping at a weird angle on the porch bench, Bella resolved to finally say goodbye. For real.

"Ok. I should go." She mumbled.

Edward nodded, shifting in his seat.

"Goodnight." Bella said; opening the car door and stepping out. She began walking up the pathway but stopped in her tracks. She didn't know why, but she felt compelled to say, "Text me when you're home safe. It's late and dark….um , yeah."

Edward tried to suppress another smile, failing miserably.

"I will. Night, Bella."

The car remained idle, waiting until both girls made their way fully inside before driving off.

Back inside, Bella worked on wiping Rose's makeup off. Next, she worked on the trail of crusted over vomit. Once that was done, Bella threw a blanket over Rose, kissing her forehead and pushing up on her knees to stand.

"You like him." Rosalie mumbled, her vomit breath permeating the small space between them.

Bella scoffed. "In, like, a friend way. I just met him"

"You lying liar who lieeeeeees."

"You're crazy" Bella laughed softly.

"And he likes you." Rose responded.

Bella knew that she couldn't get into this. She had so much to lose. She didn't want to stunt her progress or lose sight of her goals. She didn't want to like Edward Cullen.

_Home, _Edward texts.

_Good_, Bella responds.

She didn't want Rosalie to be right.

But Bella often found, that you can't always get what you want.

* * *

**A/N: I've never written anything before but I've been watching HBO's _Euphoria_ and felt inspired. It's not edited. **

**Is anyone out there? Thoughts? Bueller? **


	2. Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

**Playlist: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Nina Simone. **

* * *

"You need a ride to your mom's today?"

Bella looked up from her instagram feed, considering the offer. After checking the weather through the kitchen window, she shakes her head at her Aunt Carmen.

"Nah, I think I'll bike it today. It's nice." She says.

Carmen smiled. She had been encouraging Bella to interact more with her mother again, without having Carmen there as a buffer. She was proud of her niece.

"Ok, baby. Call me if you need me to pick you up then."

She planted a quick kiss on Bella's forehead before heading into the living room.

Bella had been ready to go for over an hour. Her mother's house was only about 10 minutes away on her bike. The ride was even shorter in a car, but it wasn't the ride there that bothered her.

It was the sinking feeling of dread that always accompanied her on these visits. After the new living arrangements were made, it was agreed that Bella would visit every weekend. Renee mostly kept track of her daughter through Carmen, as Bella often ignored her messages and calls. Now, when they did speak it was usually when Alice called.

For all her faults, Renee knew that Bella _did_ love her little sister. Due to their age gap, Bella had always taken on a more involved role in Alice's life, often caring for her when Renee worked or attended to other errands. After her husband's death, everything was more difficult -both financially and emotionally. Money was tight, tensions were high and Bella had secretly begun a prescription pill dependence that quickly consumed her.

The separation was hard on Alice, who was mature for her age, but still too young to understand the complex and nuanced realities of the situation. Alice knew the basics: Bella had done something bad and had to live with Aunt Carmen. It was an _extended time out_, as Renee had explained.

Whatever the reason, Alice simply missed her big sister. And Bella missed her back.

Bella sighed as she finally put her phone in her tiny backpack. Making sure she had everything - Keys, Chapstick, iPhone and Wallet- she made her way outside and onto her bike.

Little Alice was perched on the porch swing when Bella pulled up. Upon seeing her, Alice immediately jumped up, running quickly down the steps and into the arms of her sister.

"Hi!" She breathed, as Bella squeezed her.

"Hi" Bella whispered, not expecting the pressure of tears she felt behind her eyes. It felt like she had been away from her baby, and though she loved seeing her, it also hurt. It served as a reminder of what she had done - how selfish she had been and how much worse it could have been.

"Come inside! I helped Mommy make macaroni and cheese!" Alice exclaimed loudly, obviously proud of herself.

"Reallyyyy? How come you've never helped me?" Bella asked playfully, letting herself be pulled along.

Alice giggled. "Cause I'm learning _now_, duh!"

Bella was relieved to find that the foyer and kitchen were empty, giving her a few more moments to brace herself for her mother.

Once in the kitchen, Bella and Alice got to work plating the Macaroni and setting up the table. While the sisters worked, Alice caught Bella up on all the inconsequential details of her life. Right in the middle of a story about the class pet - a turtle name Shelly- Renee walked into the kitchen.

"Hi." She said, her eyes taking in Bella. This always annoyed Bella, as she knew she was looking for signs of…whatever. Bella had to restrain an eye-roll and slick comment. She was determined to have a good visit this time.

"Hey." She responded evenly.

"How are you?"

Renee took a seat, her dirty-blond hair falling out of her top knot. Bella and Alice followed suit, sitting on the opposite side of the table.

"Um. Things are good. School is Monday."

Renee nodded, her eyes flashing over to Alice before setting once again on Bella.

"You've got everything? Backpack, Pencils…?"

"Yeah, I'm good. And got new stuff for Dance team too."

"Oh. I didn't think they'd keep you on…after.." Renee commented, waving her hands as her words trailed off.

Bella could feel her irritation spike instantly, the anger iron hot around her chest. She could feel the skin around her cheeks and neck getting warm, surely making her look like a tomato.

They couldn't have one conversation without_ it _being brought up. It was embarrassing and heartbreaking and discouraging and…hurtful. She felt so alone in these situations - her mother had all this ammunition against her. How the fuck could she ever justify half the shit she had done?

But more than that, Bella had always had her mother to defend her. Renee was as protective as they came. No one was allowed to mess with her babies, not even themselves. It hadn't felt her mother was defending her in a long time.

It felt like, Bella wasn't her's to defend anymore.

Aunt Carmen had assured Bella that her mother didn't mean to be insensitive. Instead, she had explained that her sister was serving up a heaping dose of tough love. Emphasis on the _tough_.

"That has nothing to do with dance." Bella ground out.

Renee sat up straight, picking up her fork. To Bella, it looked like a defensive stance, a woman prepared for battle. Suddenly, Alice's sweet voice cut through the tension.

"I wanna dance, too" With her wide eyes, and cheese smeared cheeks, she was too cute. Renee reached over to wipe it off, licking her thumb before doing so.

"I'll take you to practice one day. You wanna do that?" Bella asked.

"Yes!" Alice responded , bouncing in her seat. "Can I mommy!?"

Looking up, Bella hoped that her expression conveyed what she didn't say out loud: _Just trust me. _

Renee looked at Bella, her eyes softening just a bit. She swallowed, nodding her head. There would be no fight this time.

"Sure. _One_ time would be nice, baby."

For the first time in a long time, Bella beamed at something her mother said.

* * *

Monday morning, Bella found herself staring at the bags under her eyes. She had a bad night, tossing and turning before she had succumbed to sleep only three hours before.

Her father had a lot to say last night.

In the mirror, Bella pulled and squished her skin, wondering if she still had concealer. Briefly perusing her sad-excuse of a make-up bag, she found that she had none.

Ugh.

With a groan, Bella dropped her hands and decided to fix what she could. She wasn't a heavy make up girl- not because she didn't like it but because whenever she tried, she ended up looking like a little girl who had gotten into her mother's stash.

A quick swipe of mascara, shaking out her curls and light gloss was all she could manage before realizing she was late. Grabbing both her bags - one for school and one for practice- she ran down the steps.

She briefly looked around the living room, wondering if Carmen would be there. She was a Nurse, and while she didn't work every day - only four days a week- when she did, she tended to take longer shifts.

Making her way into the kitchen, Bella spotted a breakfast smoothie in a to-go bottle on the counter. The post-it note next to it read:

_Junior Year! Be Good! Luv, C_

Bella smiled at her Aunt's thoughtfulness and sat down to drink her smoothie. She was definitely late now, but she figured that if she was gonna be late it had better be on a full stomach.

Pulling up to Port Angeles High School, Bella didn't bother to chain her bike. She was ten-minutes late, and really didn't want to encourage any more speculation. It would be just what she needed.

_Not._

Shaking her head, she made a deliberate effort to push the negative thoughts into the back of her mind. She could hear the chant they'd taught her at Narcotics Anonymous:

_Your life is as good as your mindset_

A large part of her taught it was bullshit. Life didn't work like that. Not really.

A larger part of her wanted to believe it was true.

After shoving her extra bag into her locker, and picking up her new schedule, Bella quickly made her way to her first class. She was 6 minutes late.

Finally finding the room, Bella turns the knob only the find it locked. She knocks.

When the door opens, she is surprised to find none other than Edward on the other side, his expression only slightly surprised.

"Tsk, Tsk." he whispers playfully. Bella couldn't have stopped the smile on her face if she tried.

"Shush." she responds.

"Miss Swan, are you waiting for an invitation?" deadpanned, earning a few chuckles from students.

"No. Sorry."

Bella quickly walked past Edward, smelling his fresh scent. She stopped only briefly, before taking the first seat she found. Next to her sat James, a greasy boy who's only claim to fame was getting a blow-job from Vicky Sanders behind the bleachers last spring. Offering him a quick smile, Bella turned her body, hoping to discourage any talking.

Of course- she wasn't that lucky.

"Hey, Bella."

Turning around only slightly, she once again offers James a polite smile this time throwing a wave over her shoulder.

"How are you? Doing better?" He asks, no doubt referring to her eventful summer.

Bella sighs. Part of her is pissed - can't he see that being here is already hard enough? What makes him think anyone would want to talk about that? She almost wants to curse him out. Another part of her can hear the sincerity in his voice- he seems genuinely curious and maybe even concerned. She sighs, channeling her inner hippie and relaxing.

"I'm good. Thanks."

"That's good, that's cool." He nods.

"Am I boring you?"

Bella and James both look up, their eyes wide. They find Mr. Banner standing irritated.

"You guys wanna share?" He asks.

Bella shakes her head 'no'.

"Stop talking, I won't ask again. It's the first day, people."

James sighs, and for the next 30 minutes, Bella makes sure that when her eyes aren't sneaking peeks at Edward, they're looking at the board.

The rest of the school day is much the same. Most people treat her normally- at least to her face. Some don't care. Others find inadvertent ways to get information, but Bella keeps it short and sweet with everyone.

Lunch time is spent with Rosalie, Angela, Zafrina and Jasper. The period is spent scrolling phones, sharing memes and talking boys.

"So, I saw Emmet again today," Rose mentions, obviously trying to remain casual in front of the rest of the crew.

"Oh, honey. I heard about Friday night." Jasper says barely holding in his laughter. He reaches over to pat Rose's hand.

She slaps it, shooting him a glare.

"Stop it, Jasper. That shit was so embarrassing."

"What'd he say?" Zafrina asks.

"He said it was fine. It was mostly alcohol so…" she says shrugging. "He asked me to wait for him after football tryout's to talk. So, he doesn't hate me."

"How are you gonna talk with his dick in your mouth?" Jasper asks, his face serious. All the other girls crack up, holding their bellies and wiping their tears.

"I fucking hate all of you." Rosalie mutters.

"Anyway, need a friend to watch tryouts with? Doesn't matter- I'm coming anyway. There is no way I am missing all that man-ass" Angela says.

"Of course! You guys are coming too, right?" Rose asks, looking around to the rest of the crew.

"Can't. We have dance practice today." Bella says.

Rosalie narrows her eyes before a smirk tugs at the corner of her lips.

"Edward will be there." She says.

Bella can feel her face heat up. She hadn't seen him since first period, and couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of seeing him later.

_Stop it_, She told herself.

She was also surprised to hear he played. Or was trying to. She hadn't gotten the jock vibe from him, but when she thought back to his figure, she could see it. He was definitely fit.

"Oh yeah, I heard all about you from my cousin this weekend" says Jasper, a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes.

"No you didn't" says Bella, wanting to vomit.

"Ok, I didn't. But he did mention you."

"What'd he say?"

"Said he took you and drunky home. Then he asked if you were single."

"No, he didn't," She began to dismiss. "What'd you tell him?"

"That I wasn't sure."

Bella sighed. And just like that, she was taken to place in her mind she worked everyday to escape.

Bella was definitely single -for good reason.

She hadn't seen Riley since _the incident_. Before then, she had known him for three years. A year after the death of her father, Riley became her go-to. Upon first meeting him, it seemed they had a lot in common: dead parents, a crippling sense of loneliness and the overwhelming desire for more.

It wasn't long before he became her drug plug. He was kind and charming, especially to a fourteen-year old Bella. She didn't know he was dealing drugs when they met, but she did get the feeling that he was shady.

The seemingly misunderstood boy fascinated Bella. He was like her, she thought, but way cooler. He was older and had done shit Bella had never even heard of.

Looking back, he was the wrong person at the wrong time…but she couldn't help herself. She was angry and riddled with angst. Her mom was working extra hard, having picked up another job to make ends meet. Alice was practically a baby, so confused. Her friends didn't know how to reach her, and she felt so alone, so empty. Disconnected.

Riley was the first person to help her feel…something. Never mind that it usually involved drugs- Bella would try anything, as long as it came in pill form. Riley had plenty to try. She was almost never fully sober in his presence and sometimes, he'd hook her up for free.

It felt like love. Feeling good, for just one moment. It felt like love.

They had never officially defined their relationship. He dropped out his Junior year- Bella was a freshman- and moved farther out of town, but whenever they saw each other, they did couple things. Riley was her first everything but kiss.

Bella grimaces.

Sometimes, she gets the urge to respond to his texts and indulge. Run away like she used to, and act like she didn't have a care in the world.

But she's better now. She's trying to be. She knows she can't be where she was only three months ago.

And she could always hear Carmen's voice.

"_That isn't love, Bella. You don't treat the people you love the way Riley treated you." _

He texted her occasionally. Some messages were apologetic. Others were angry and accusatory. Some messages claimed she owed him money. She ignored every one, but still couldn't conjure up the guts to block him.

Doing so felt like completely letting go of that version of herself. Bella was working on it.

Taking a deep breath, Bella schooled her expression into one of indifference.

"I _am_ single. And I'm staying that way." She says before picking up her apple and bag.

Realizing his mistake too late, Jasper stands, hoping to apologize. Rose grabs his arm, pulling him back. She shakes her head, watching Bella escape. Right before she walks out of the cafeteria, she catches Edward's eye. He offers her a bright smile, before catching her expression. His brows furrow and the smile slips from his face.

She looks away, her feet moving at a furious pace as she leaves the cafeteria.

* * *

**A/N: Wrote this on my lunch break. Edited best as I could. Leave me a thought! **


	3. We've Only Just Begun

**Playlist: We've Only Just Begun by The Carpenters.**

* * *

Bella spent the remaining half hour of her lunch period trying not to die. The musty girls bathroom on the second floor seemed like a good place.

_In...1, 2, 3_

_Out...1, 2, 3_

Struggling to breath, she could see her finger shaking as it hovered over her contacts list.

As if Jasper had summoned him with his comment, Riley had sent a text.

**Miss you. Call me back. **

_In...1, 2, 3_

_Out...1, 2, 3_

Almost everything in her ached to be subdued. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach was enough to make her sick, and her mind raced at lighting speed. She was irritated with herself for always being so easily affected. She couldn't keep up with herself.

Her first day back had been what she expected - some snide comments but otherwise normal.

The only difference now was her.

And without the high, her anxiety was at a dangerous peak. She considered her options.

She could:

A) Contact Riley or her other plugs and fuck it all

B)Turn her phone off

or

C) Utilize the breathing techniques used at St. Mary's, followed by the serenity prayer

Taking another shuddering breath, she looked back down at her phone.

His contact name mocked her; she was small at the mere sight of it.

_No_, she thought.

Before she could hesitate, Bella chucked her phone into the toilet boil along with a large wad of toilet paper and flushed. She watched, calm now, as her phone was submerged under the paper and rising water. She didn't even flinch when the murky liquid trickled over the bowl and dripped onto her white converse.

Standing, she walks promptly out the girls bathroom, only briefly aware of the roaming bodies around her.

Stepping into the main office, instantly looks up, her chapped lipstick emphasized by the pucker of her lips.

"Hi Bella. What's going on, sweetie?"

Bella fidles with the sleeve of her sweater before speaking.

"The second floor girls bathroom is flooding. My phone fell out of my pocket and into the toilet. I'm sorry-"

"Oh crap," Mrs. Cope sighs. "Well, don't you worry about it, ok? Let me call up maintenance!"

Bella nodded and offered the older woman a smile before heading out of the office, a new bounce in her step.

And though a small part of her knew that flushing her phone had been a _bit_ much, a larger part of her basked in the small freedom she felt as she walked to her next class.

* * *

"Bella!"

Turning at the sound of her name, Bella's eyes widen slightly. Walking briskly down the empty hall is Edward, the small grin on his face prompting bella's own lips to quirk upward in response.

Remembering Jasper's comment, Bella feels her stomach flutter. Did he really ask if she was single?

"Hey." She greets once he is close enough. She could smell his fresh scent from where he stood, impressed by the lack of boy-funk.

"Where you headed?" he asks, following beside Bella as she begins to walk again.

"Study Hall." She wrinkles her nose.

"Then you can show me the way." he responds, his grin widening.

Bella looks up and is momentarily struck by the perfection that is his face. Even his teeth are white and straight. Without realizing, she continues to analyze him, looking for a flaw. The only thing she can come up with are his slightly large ears, but even then he is so cute, it doesn't even matter.

"Are you ok?" Edward questions, his brow dark brows furrowed and voice amused.

"Sorry. I'm being a weirdo. Follow me."

Edward opens the door, waiting for Bella to walk in before following after her. As she walked to the back of the class room- which was more like a small library- she looked behind her. Sure enough, Edward followed, intent on sitting with her.

Once seated, the two began to arrange their bags so that they rested on the table.

Bella folded her arms on her bag, resting her head and closing her eyes.

"You tired?"

Opening her eyes, she saw Edward in a similar position.

"Yeah." she whispered.

"I saw you leave earlier. In the cafeteria. You looked…upset." He said.

Her first instinct was to lie, minimize what she was feeling so that she was left alone. Instead, she did something she rarely did when it came to her feelings. She told the truth.

"I was."

Edward looked at her, noticing the pink coloring her nose and cheeks. It was obvious to him that she had been was quiet for so long, Bella thought he wasn't going to respond.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice low.

Bella stared at him, marveling at his kindness. She barely knew him, and yet he had given her so much more than she had given him. First, driving rose home after Tyler's party and now being a friendly ear. Just two hours before, she had resolved to ignore him or at least keep her distance. Now here she sat, confiding in him before she confided in her best friends.

"I guess today was a lot for me...I flushed my phone."

Edward shook his head, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

"...On...purpose?" Edward asks slowly. .

That made Bella laugh. She didn't know what possessed her to speak when he was around. He was so... normal- the complete opposite of Bella. He was warm and bright, his cool demeanor permeating any space he occupied.

She loved it.

"Yeah."

"Damn. Now who am I supposed to call for help with my homework?"

Bella laughs again, a small "Whoops" playfully escaping her mouth.

"Are you ok, though?"

She considers his question and finds that despite the bullshit, she is. Now.

"I am."

"Good."

They spent the rest of the class period bullshitting. If they weren't cracking jokes, they were sharing interests, trading stories and talking music.

By the end of the period, Bella had learned that Edward was originally from Chicago, really liked Jay-Z and Elton John, and was 6 foot 3.

Bella couldn't deny that Edward was really cool. He was easy to be around. Easy to talk to. Easy to look at. Just easy.

She knew keeping her distance was going to be very hard.

And when he held her to his chest as he said goodbye…

She feared it would be impossible.

* * *

Bella was the first one to arrive at the dance studio. Passing the football field before entering the Performing Arts Building, Bella was sure she knew where half the dance team was. She couldn't be completely annoyed- had things been different for her she probably would have been there along with them.

She walked over to the auxiliary cord and speakers, connecting her laptop and finding the appropriate playlist before stretching.

Eventually, dance team members began to trickle in, a group of team hopefuls following behind. The team hadn't voted in a new captain, but Bella took on the role without a second thought. She was always serious when it came to the team.

The team had made it to state last year, which was as far as their team had _ever _gone. The team was good, and last year's captain was a talented choreographer but it always seemed that they missed _it_. Whatever_ it_ was. Nevertheless, Bella knew most of the team shared her determination to make it to nationals this year. More than anything, Bella wanted to prove that she could be deeply committed to something that wasn't drugs. She wanted to breathe life into her true passion.

Once Bella and Angela led the group of hopefuls in a stretch, they followed the girls as they demonstrated the try-out choreography. The steps were sultry but sharp, a mix of post-modern and hip-hop. There were hip rolls, shoulder pops and elegant spins and jumps. Even Bella could admit it was a bit challenging without practice, but there were a couple of promising prospects.

Soon enough, only the team members were left in the room. Members were scattered around the room, chattering amongst themselves.

"So," Lauren Mallory started, loud enough to stop any conversation. "Voting time?"

Every year, the team came together and voted for a captain. The role was a coveted one, an unbidden popularity accompanying the position. No one was surprised that Lauren brought it up.

Tall and sure, Lauren stood with her hands on her hips, one perfectly done eyebrows arched.

"Honestly, do we need to?" Angela asked, her tone bored.

"What do you mean?" Asked Lauren, attitude on 10.

"I just mean that it's obvious." Angela scoffed, her arms gesturing towards Bella.

There was a general hum around the room. The team agreed. Most of the team members genuinely loved dancing. Others joined the team for its approximation to cheerleading. But beside Jasper, the team knew Bella was the only team member who had done this since she was a child. Reminding her of her father, it was something she held dear to her heart. It was something she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

"I don't think it's fair to put that on Bella right now." Lauren stated.

Bella rolled her eyes, silently fuming. Lauren always had a way of dissing people in what she_ thought_ was a covert way. What came off as concern, was really shade and jealousy. Bella couldn't stand the bitch. Though she knew that she deserved some doubt for her past actions, Lauren didn't know shit about what Bella had been through. She resented the notion that she couldn't do it coming from _her_.

"If the team agrees, I can do it." Bella stated, standing up to address the room.

"I can do it." She repeated, her voice vulnerable, pleading with the room to give her the chance. She was overwhelmed by her desire to take on the role.

"Everyone in favor of Captain Bella raise your hand!" Jasper says loudly, his hand already raised.

Angela follows right after, and one by one, so does everyone else. Lauren looks at Bella, and sighs. It's clear to see that she utilizes all her self-control, a snide comment on the tip of her tongue.

"You need a Co." she says, referring to the Co-captain position. Knowing there is no way in hell Bella would choose her, Lauren puckers her lips in what Bella assumes is a pout.

Ignoring her expression, Bella nods, looking around.

"Jasper." She decides. Not only could he offer a different perspective as a boy, but he was the only other team member she knew wanted to dance for the rest of his life, like her.

"Yasssssss!" He exclaims playfully, earning a laugh from everyone.

* * *

It's almost 7pm when Bella finally leaves the studio, her loose curls wet from the shower.

Once again, she chooses to pass the football field on her way to the parking lot. Seeing several bodies, her eyes scan the field - Searching, hoping. She's disappointed when she doesn't find the one she wants, and quickens her pace.

She works to unlock her bike, grimacing at the dark residue left from the chain. She is too busy wiping her hands on her sweat pants when a loud car horn honks behind her.

She jumps, one hand flying to her chest as she turns to look for the source.

Edward sits in his car, a silver Audi, laughing uncontrollably as he hangs his head out of the window.

Bella scowls, turning her back on him and pretends to be occupied with her bike's chain.

Edward leaves the driver's door open as he walks the short distance between them.

"I'm sorry." He gasps in between laughter.

Bella works hard to hide her smirk, turning her face even further away from him.

She feels the warmth of his large hand wrap around her waist, turning her body towards his. It takes everything in her not to fully lean into him and snuggle.

"Don't be mad. I came to offer you a ride." He says, calm now.

At that, she looks up. Her brown eyes meet his dark green ones as his hand tightens on her waist.

"Um," she mumbles, battling with herself.

"It gets darker earlier now…I just didn't want you alone on that bike." He explains.

She feels a warmth bloom in her chest at his thoughtfulness and before she can stop herself, she is riding home with Edward.

"You don't drive?" He asks, humor in his eyes.

Bella looks at the muscles and veins in his forearm as he drives, watching as they pulse and jump with his movements. She wonders what his hands would feel like palming her ass or pumping in and out of her-

_Whoa there, _she thinks to herself. She cannot go down that path right now.

"I'm actually not allowed." She answers.

"Not allowed?"

"It's a long and fucked up story."

"I'm intrigued."

She doesn't feel like getting into the details right then, but she has a hard time giving him a hard 'no' for an answer.

"Maybe I'll tell you one day." She says instead.

"Alright." He says, nodding his head. "Tell me another story then: What do you see in Mike Newton?"

Bella's entire face scrunches up in confusion, her head whipping in his direction so fast her hand comes up to cup her neck. That is so not what she expected to come out of his mouth.

"Mike Newton? I barely fucking know him!" She exclaims, the confusion and disgust evident in her voice.

It's bad enough that most of the school knows her as a fucking druggie- she doesn't need to be associated with that super creep Mike, too. Especially not in a romantic sense. The last time she'd even acknowledged him was at Tyler's party.

Even then, it was a simple, "Hey, Mike."

He was decent looking - kind of basic in Bella's opinion, but she would never go there. Last she'd heard, he was flirting with 13 year old 8th graders. She shuddered internally.

"Yeah, there was something off about that," Edward replies, a chuckle leaving his mouth once again. "You should know that Mike is going and saying you guys have been...texting."

"That's fucking gross. I would never." She responds vehemently, suddenly really worried about Edwards perception of her. It seems there has been even more gossip about her than she originally thought.

"Good." He says.

"You were worried?" Bella deadpans.

Edward's face is serious as he responds.

"Yeah, I was. He's an ass." He looks around before making a left turn, then lets his eyes flicker briefly to Bella's.

"And how did this even come up?" Asks Bella, her brows furrowed.

"The guys were bullshitting about girls. It's dumb," He shakes his head. "But when you came up, I asked." Edward's voice is matter-of-fact, no embarrassment or hesitation.

The car comes to a sudden stop, and Bella realizes that they've arrived at her Aunt Carmen's. She collects her backpack, and opens her car door. One leg out of the car, Bella turns her torso to look at Edward.

"Why'd you ask?" She wonders.

The smirk on his full lips is dangerously attractive, and something about his confidence makes Bella think that he knows it.

"Why do you think?" He responds, leaving it at that.

Dazed and stunned, Bella steps fully out of the car, before closing the door. Once again, Edward waits for Bella to head inside before driving off.

That night in bed, Bella ponders her interactions with Edward thus far. Even Bella can't deny that he's been flirty- especially after their most recent interaction.

And she was flirting right back.

She's frustrated. He is just too charming, and constantly has her re-thinking her boy-embargo. She consider's keeping it casual - maybe some fooling around but no labels?

No.

It's only been four days since they met- not even a week- but they were friends. Or something like that.

Her brain scrambled, she resolves to forget about it and go to sleep.

Under the silvery light of the moon, Bella's hand slip into her underwear and pretend they are Edwards, a soft moan leaving her mouth as she cums. She enjoys a dreamless sleep that night.

* * *

A/N: I keep writing in weird places. I wrote this on the Bus today. I've also finished Euphoria and need something new to watch- what are you guys watching?


	4. Magic Loop

**Writing is hard. **

**Playlist: Magic Loop -DJDS**

* * *

**THEN - 12 years old:**

_No one can stand_

_in between me and my man _

_it's me and Mr. Swan_

Bella watched, a small smile on her face, as her parents danced around the small living room to the Amy Winehouse song. It was a favorite of Renee's and Bella loved the booming laugh that left her father's mouth when her mother replaced _Mr. Jones_ with _Mr. Swan_.

The whole family cherished moments like these, especially after Charlie's diagnosis eight months ago. Charlie's pancreatic cancer had advanced quickly, leaving him jaundiced, underweight and almost always nauseous. Today was a good day for Charlie, which meant it was a good day for everyone.

Bella held a three-year-old Alice on her lap, waving her chubby arms in time with the music as she giggled. As Bella watched her parents, her heart swelling with love and joy, she wished that this moment could last forever.

"Get up, girls!" Charlie smiled, his large, slightly shaking hand reaching out towards his daughters.

With Alice in her arms, Bella joined her parents as they each wrapped an arm around the girls and swayed.

Later, Renee snapped thousands of pictures as Bella's young face was illuminated by the warm candle lights on her ice-cream cake.

"Make a wish, baby." Her dad whispers.

Closing her eyes, Bella wishes- as hard as she can- for her father to be better.

.

.

.

That night, Bella layed in bed with her father as he worked to mask the pain on his face. He didn't do very well. With Renee gone at her second job and Alice asleep, Bella stayed up to make sure her father was doing alright. She did this often, not trusting the state appointed nurse who barely looked up from her phone. Turning to her side, she grabs the oxycontin from the nightstand, offering him two. The sound of _The Golden Girls _fills the room as Bella watches the painful expression on Charlie's face subside, a dazed but content expression replacing it. Curious, she turns again, grabbing a pill and quickly swallowing it dry.

It's the first time she takes a prescription pill, Charlie too out of it to notice she's high. It feels...nice and she somehow feels more connected to her dad this way. She wants to feel what he feels, and as she rests her head on his shoulders, the two laughing at the television show, she whispers.

"You're my best friend, Daddy."

Slowly, he reaches over to caress her face and unruly hair, his smile big.

"You're mine too." He responds.

* * *

**NOW**

Two weeks after the phone flushing fiasco, Bella is in her bedroom after a shower. It's the night before her birthday and she sits at her desk, the dim light from her lamp illuminating the scattered homework in front of her.

She works at a rapid pace, hoping to finish her work on time to catch up on her shows.

This routine is nice, and one she has steadily kept up since school began again.

School, practice or hang outs and then home to do work.

Before, Bella didn't really have a schedule. She would often miss school days, only coming in for practice. Some nights, she'd sneak out and make her way to Riley.

Though it'd only feel like a night to her, she'd be gone for days at a time. Now, Aunt Carmen would peek into her room periodically- even in the early morning hours. Bella wasn't allowed to have a lock on her bedroom door, and she had recently earned the right to close her door at all.

How things had changed.

She took a minute to be in the moment, her eyes closing as she nodded her head along to a _Tame Impala_ song.

Sometimes she couldn't believe that she had almost come close to losing it all.

She's brought out of her thoughts when her music stops, and is instead replaced with the FaceTime ringtone. Looking at the time - 11pm- Bella knows it could only be Rosalie, Zafrina, Angela or Jasper. She was sure they had all caught each other up on enough gossip for the night- what could have happened now?

Her mouth falls open with a 'pop' when she sees the 'E' and star emoji on her screen instead.

"Shit." She whispers, rushing to disconnect her new phone from the stereo and fix her appearance. She fluffs her curls, and applies some vaseline to her lips. Running out of time, she taps the green button to answer, waiting for the video feed to connect.

Edwards face pops up, a beautifully modern kitchen behind him as he squints adorably into the camera.

Bella giggles, staring at his tired face and disheveled hair.

"Hey." he says, his voice as tired as he looks.

Bella adjusts her phone so that it remains propped up on her laptop, trying to fix her wild curls in the camera.

"Isn't it past bedtime?" She teases, her stomach fluttering at the fact that this was even happening.

He smiles at her, and even through the camera, she can feel the intensity of his eyes.

"For you, maybe."

"Please." She rolls her eyes.

"What are you doing?" He asks, his eyes seeming to look behind her into her room.

"Homework."

"Same. Want a study buddy?"

She smiles.

"Sure, if you're good."

The call is random and totally unexpected. They had known each other for three weeks now, but in that time hadn't texted or called one another. With football and dance in full swing, the two were easily swept up in all the excitement. They still spoke everyday, having Honors English and Study Hall together, but that was mostly it.

Bella hadn't seen Edward after practice again, a part of her relieved. After their flirty interaction the last time he drove her home, she didn't know if she could do it again without literally combusting.

Their interactions remained mostly friendly. Of course they flirted, something that seemed to happen naturally with them, but it had never progressed into anything overt or aggressive.

Maybe Edward sensed that Bella needed to go…slow. She both appreciated and resented that.

It sucked trying to be practical.

They spent the next half hour working on their respective assignments as they spoke. Their conversation was inconsequential for the most part, but fun all the same.

Once in a while, there would be silence as they actually wrote down their answers, but it was never awkward. It was a comfortable silence, something that came with the familiarity of an old friend or loved one.

At one point, Bella found herself leaving her desk, Edward in hand as she gives him a tour of her room.

"This is my dresser," She says, moving quickly as to not draw attention to the picture frames on it.

"Wait- lemme see the pictures." Edward insisted, his face even closer to the camera now.

"Ugh. No." Bella whined.

"Why not? I'll show you mine." He said, a small laugh escaping his lips at the innuendo.

Rolling her eyes, Bella sighs.

"Cause, I look goofy as hell."

"Never."

_What the hell_, she thought as she turned her phone back to the array of frames on the dresser. There were several pictures of young Bella, some alone and others with her parents or Aunt. One with her Grandfather. Another, more recent one with Alice and her on the beach, the sunlight illuminating the girl's highlights.

"Who's that little girl on your hip?" Asks Edward.

"My baby sister, Alice." Bella says. Edward can hear the small smile in her voice.

"She's really cute. Looks like you." He comments.

Bella's heart flutters. Was this his way of saying she was cute?

"She really is. This picture was two years ago, when she was six. She's eight now but not that much bigger."

Edward laughs. "You could literally be her mother. It's wild."

"Sometimes it felt like I was." She says quietly. She doesn't mean to say it out loud but once it's out, it's out.

"Why's that?" He asked, his voice quiet. The humor gone.

He's lying on his couch now, his face squished by one of the throw pillows.

Bella bites her lip, walking over to her bed and mimicking his position.

"When my dad got sick, mom had to get two jobs. She had to pay off the medical debt on top of all the regular bills. Alice was only three or four years old then, so she needed a lot of looking after. We had some help from family and friends for a while but a lot of it fell on me." She says, Looking away from the camera.

"Um." She can feel herself getting emotional. This is why she couldn't talk about this shit. She was beginning to regret it.

"I don't have any siblings, but when my father died, it hit my mom and I pretty hard too. I can't even imagine adding another kid into that mix." He says, his voice soft and reassuring. His expression is thoughtful, but he doesn't look as emotional as she does.

"So, I get it. At least, part of it." He continues.

"I'm sorry." She says.

"Me too."

"Ugh. I killed the mood."

"Not even. I asked. I'm glad you told me." He sounds sincere.

She's quiet then, thinking about everything and nothing at once. Edward's father had died too? She wondered how - naturally? accidentally? purposefully?

"You can talk to me, you know that?" He asks, suddenly. He sits up on his couch, a new energy about him.

"Mmm." Bella hums, not wanting to commit with an actual response.

"You can." He insists.

"Maybe I should quit going to my therapist and talk to you instead." She jokes.

"Maybe," He chuckles for moment, biting his lip. He looks as if he is deliberating something.

"I like talking to you." He says quietly.

Bella glows on the inside.

"Me too." She responds, just as quiet.

Suddenly Edward says, "Happy Birthday."

Confused but thankful for the change of topic, Bella looks at the time on her laptop. She's finally seventeen.

"Thanks. How'd you know it's my birthday?"

"Jasper."

"Oh my god." She rolls her eyes. Jasper talks way too much.

"So what are you doing? For your birthday?"

Bella sits back up, shrugging. She didn't hate birthdays, per se, but she was also never big on doing anything either. If she was being honest, she had been way too high to care the past couple of birthdays.

"Nothing, I guess. Go to school?" She laughs.

"Let me take you out." Edward says.

Bella hesitates. Edward notices.

"It can be with a group." He offers.

Still quiet, Bella plays with her hair as she contemplates the offer.

"Ok." she finally responds.

Edward's smile is huge.

"Ok."

"I'm sorry." Bella says, "I know I'm annoying. I'm all flaky and scared... but you're a good person, Edward. Like...it's kind of crazy. Why are you so nice to me?"

Edward sits up on the couch now, eyes on Bella.

"You're not annoying. You kind of confuse me but...I like you." He responds, chuckling. "I mean, I try to be a decent human being in general but... I like you. If it wasn't obvious."

Bella bites the inside of her cheek, fighting a smile.

"It is kind of obvious," She teases. "You might wanna work on being more coy."

"Why would I do that when I know you like me too?"

Bella gasps, her cheeks reddening.

"W-what?" She sputters. "And how are you so sure?"

"You should see your face!" He laughs.

Bella glares.

"Ok. Jasper told me."

_Fucking Jasper_. Despite it being true, she had never told _anyone_ that she had like Edward. Her friends teased and suspected, but Bella wasn't ready to get into all that. She was going to have a serious talk with Jasper about how to _shut-up_ for once in his life.

"You and Jasper are not allowed to talk about me anymore! Oh my god."

"Don't be embarrassed."

"Too late! And I suddenly have the urge to sleep now. Goodnight!"

"I'll see you tomorrow."

After hanging up, Bella feels like a smitten fool.

The smile on her face could light up the whole town.

* * *

**A/N: First, thanks to anyone reading, reviewing, following..etc! **

**Second, someone asked why Bella wont just block Riley. Trust -I would do that too. The answer here is - you can un-block someone just as easy as you block them. Part of any recovery process is letting go of bad things, that takes a while. Taking the choice away from herself was something this Bella felt she had to do. Also, this Bella is a bit dramatic. ;) **

**Next time, we have a date...kind of. **

**Leave me thoughts! **


	5. Dreams Tonite

**Playlist: Dreams Tonite - Alvvays**

* * *

Bella inhales deeply, blowing out the candle atop the small cupcake. It's red velvet, the kind with cream cheese frosting on top and her absolute favorite.

Her mother, Alice and Aunt Carmen all clap their hands, varying smiles on their faces as they surround the small round table where Bella sits. It's very early-only 6 am- but Alice just had to see Bella today. A facetime call wouldn't suffice. The visit from her mother and sister was a surprise, considering that it was a weekday. Though the initial surprise was...awkward, mainly for Renee and Bella, she decided that it was ultimately a good thing. Especially when she saw the excitement on Alice's sweet face as she handed her a present.

"I made it myself." She stated proudly, her eyes anxiously gauging her older sister's reaction.

Looking down, Bella fiddled with the-surprisingly- impressive bracelet in her hand. The chain was silver, a sparkly "B" charm hanging from it. It was simple, but beautifully so and the fact that it came from Alice, made it even more special.

"Al, this is awesome. Thank you."

Bella brought Alice into her arms, squeezing the giggles out of her. Looking down, Bella was struck by the innocent excitement in her eyes. That kind of wholesome joy, burdenless curiosity was something Bella hadn't felt in a long time. Bella couldn't help but thank the universe that Alice was such a special person, her creativity reaching new levels every time she saw her. Her birthday was always a weird day for her and she had woken up today with some trepidation, not entirely ready for the full force of her friends - or Edward. A heaping dose of Alice was just what she needed. They spent the better part of the early morning together, Renee and Carmen only coming in from the living room every once in a while. Before long, it was time to go.

"Alright," sighed Renee. "Say bye to Bella, baby. We still have to get to school on time."

Alice wrinkles her nose, a pronounced frown on her face. Her breathing is already accelerating, her big eyes blinking rapidly. Alice, being the baby of their small family, was a master manipulator and had perfected the fine art of crying on demand. Renee wouldn't fall for it this time.

"Nope. C'mon, we'll see Bella on Sunday. I'll meet you outside."

Renee hesitates where she stands, no longer sure what to do or say to her eldest daughter. Even on her birthday. Their interactions were surface level at best- only necessary during Bella's visits. There were plenty of things left unsaid and somethings they both wish they hadn't said, but it was glaringly obvious that Renee and Bella just weren't there yet. On this day especially, Renee struggles to reconcile the deep resentment and love she simultaneously feels for Bella. Their guilt and pride was their biggest downfall. Carmen's eyes flicker between her sister and niece, her heart aching as she thinks, _it shouldn't be this way_.

Finally, She settles on throwing a quick smile Bella's way before hurriedly walking out to start the car and wait for Alice.

Alice's sweet chatter in the background, Bella looks out the kitchen window and watches as her mother sits in the driver's seat, using her sleeves to wipe her tears.

* * *

At school, Bella is bombarded with birthday wishes.

If the masses at Port Angeles Highschool were not notified via social media, Rosalie and Jasper made sure everyone knew Bella Swan was born on this day, 17 years ago.

For the most part, their theatrics make her laugh. They love to spoil their friend, endless balloons and treats and pictures filling the day. Another part of Bella is embarrassed and she can't help the thought that she doesn't deserve this, their unwavering love and celebration of her. She tampers it down, knowing on some level this is a sort of therapy for all involved parties. Before this summer, she hadn't been a very good friend and in turn- hadn't let them be good friends to her.

They needed this.

* * *

Edward is late to study hall, and after missing Honors English and lunch, Bella wonders if he came to school at all. She sits in the back, their usual spot, and anxiously fiddles with her phone.

Fifteen minutes into the period, Bella figures that Edward must just be out today. She concentrates on her Physics assignment, something she wants to get done before the end of the period. She's stuck on question five- something about a rollercoaster- when she feels a warm hand on the small of her back.

Startled, Bella looks up to find Edward, a small smile on his lips as he whispers, "Happy Birthday. Again."

Bella smiles back, staring at the myriad of green shades in his eyes.

He sits, flinging his backpack onto the desk before placing a small piece of paper between them. Bella's eyes flicker to the scrap, squinting to decipher its meaning. It's an address.

"Ernie's Roller Rink." She reads out loud.

"You ever been?"

"I think I had my eighth birthday there. I remember the owner, too. Some old Italian guy who kept yelling, 'Bella!Bella!'." She laughs at her failed Italian accent. So does he.

"Well, I was talking to Jasper and-"

"Oh, god."

"-We thought it'd be nice for your birthday. You up for it? Before you answer, keep in mind that we already called ahead and ordered a cake."

Bella rolls her eyes.

"Well, now I'm an ass if I say no, aren't I?"

"You said it, not me."

She slaps his arm playfully, before looking back at the scrap of paper. She'd have to be home by nine, but she figured a couple of hours was all they needed.

"And it's a group thing, right?'

Edward rolls his eyes.

"Yes." He reassures, smirking. "I wanna know - what do you think would happen if we were alone? You scared?"

"I just don't do dates...right now. And that'd be like...a date," she mutters, her cheeks reddening.

Bella and Edward had known each other for over a month now, the majority of their time spent laughing, talking and working on assignments. As far as their friendship went, it felt like she had known him forever. He was charismatic He was refreshing in that way- he had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. He was unapologetically honest and clear. He was a shiny sun.

Bella was a tornado, bringing dysfunction and pain into the lives of those brave enough to love her. They didn't belong together, and Bella knew it was only a matter of time before Edward figured that out.

But for now, she'd enjoy the ray of his light.

"Right now..." he mutters quietly, nodding his head. His eyes flash up from the table, and in a voice that leaves no room for argument, he says, "We're gonna have fun. I promise."

* * *

The rink was enveloped in the flashing purple lights, the smells of victoria secret perfume and fried foods prevalent. There was a good crowd and bouncy music, perfect for the setting.

Bella and Edward sat side by side as they worked to tie their skates, the music so loud they could feel their seats vibrating. Bella watched with a huge grin as Jasper tried to twerk in his rollerblades as Zafrina and Angela laughed their asses off. Rosalie passed Bella and Edward, holding Emmets hand and seemingly talking his ear off. Edward looked over at Bella and he could feel the corners of his lips turning up automatically as he watched her beautiful face. Under the strobe lights, she looked like a dream. When he saw that she was ready, he reaches out for her hand, reveling in the feeling of her small hand in his large one.

Once out on the rink, he let her hand go as Jasper came and pulled her off. She laughs, looking behind her to where Edward works to get the hang of things. Their eyes met for a brief moment before she turns to pay attention to her friends.

"You good, Bro?" Asks Ben as he twists impressively in front of Edward.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." Edward laughs, holding his arms out as he works to find his balance. Ben chuckles and works to help his friend get the basics down. Eventually, Edward can slowly glide around the rink and join the others. The evening is spent laughing, dancing and the crew making fun of Edward, as he takes the jabs good-naturedly and throws them back just as well.

It isn't until much later that Bella and Edward find themselves alone. Bella skates in front of Edward, facing him as she skates backward. She matches Edwards slow pace as he sings along to the Bee Gees "How Deep Is Your Love".

"I can't believe you know all the words." Laughs Bella.

"My mom loves this shit."

"Well, your voice is kinda nice. I won't lie."

"Oh yeah? I'll sing to you all night if you want." He responds, a cheeky grin on his face as he reaches out with both his hands to grasp hers. He lets Bella pull him along, as he sings in a comical falsetto voice and drowns in the sound of Bella's laughter.

"Are you having a good time?" asks Edward. His voice is uncharacteristically unsure.

The energy around them suddenly shifts, no longer playful and silly, but charged with something neither seem to understand.

"The best," Bella says, squeezing his hands.

On the sidelines, Rosalie watches as her oldest friend looks adoringly into the eyes of a boy who may just be what she needs right now.

* * *

Towards the end of the night, Edward, Zafrina, and Jasper disappear. With Rosalie and Emmet eating each other's face and Angela enthralling Ben with her Instagram page, Bella leans on the counter as she waits for her hot dog.

She's chewing happily when she hears a voice that almost causes her to choke.

"Oh shit. It's Bella!" She turns to find an old friend, Jake, standing behind her with a curious grin on his face.

She'd met him through Riley and though Riley always emphasized that he trusted no one- Jake was his right hand.

Despite being a close associate of Riley's, Jake was always very kind to Bella, often taking care of her when she'd get sick or blackout. He'd calm Riley when he'd get violently angry and take Bella home. Bella always got the impression that Jake didn't belong in that world. He was like her in that way- they were pretenders. Only there by chance or circumstance.

"What's up with you? You've been ghost." He continues

She offered him an ironic smile. "Yeah, I guess I'm just over...all that."

He nods his head and squints his dark eyes. "I'm glad, B. For real, but yo, Riley's been going wild thinkin' you're ignoring him."

"I am."

"Ah," Jacob says, contemplating quietly for a moment before pulling his hoodie over his head and turning back to face Bella. He looks down, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I guess I understand why...I mean a bunch of us thought you'd died this summer. After your overdose and then your-"

"It won't ever happen again. It's done." She says quietly, but with what sounds like conviction to her ears. She bristles at the mention of her overdose, something that will haunt her for the rest of her life. She tries to relax and understand where Jacob -or anyone who asks- is coming from. She and Jacob were friends, and even though they can't be anymore, he was a right to be worried. Recalling a conversation she had with her therapist, Bella reminds herself that she needs to own her mistakes or she'll never move on. That wasn't an option.

She sighs.

Jacob turns to face Bella again, his face softening as he looks at her. She was always beautiful, but he can't help noticing that she looks even better now. She's gained some much-needed weight, her hips and backside pleasantly plump. Her skin is clear, save for the small zit at her hairline. But more than her beauty, Jacob is struck by Bella's fierce determination to do better. Done with his perusal, Jake nods his head one last time before offering Bella a small smile and a "See ya," over his shoulder as he walks away.

"And Jake?" Bella calls out. "Could you not mention seeing me?"

"Seeing who? I ain't seen nobody!" He says, walking back toward a group of boys.

* * *

Bella laughs as she blows out her birthday candles for the third time that day. Edward holds the large cake in front of her and she can't hear anyone else above Jasper's shrieking. The night is coming to an end and Bella marvels at the quick passage of time.

After the hugs, kisses, and promises to text, Bella is left untying her shoes with Edward once again at her side. Worried about twisting her ankles, Bella had tied them a little too tight. She silently curses herself as she fumbles with the laces, chewing her lips as she concentrates. Eventually, she feels Edwards hand softly brush hers aside and easily pull the laces apart. She watches, her mouth open in shock. He laughs at her expression and tugs the skates off her feet.

"Eddie! Unless you and the pretty girl are going to help, leave!" yells Emesto, the old Italian owner Bella had made fun of earlier in the day. She is struck by the familiarity between the two, and wonders about the extent of their relationship.

"Damn gramps, you're killing me." Edward groans, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

"That's your grandpa?!" Bella giggles, excited to meet someone from Edwards family.

"Sadly." Edward jokes. "My mother's dad. He's a big reason we moved here."

Bella nods her head and stands to follow him as he makes his way towards the exit.

"So..." Bella starts as she leans against the building to wait for her Aunt Carmen.

"So?"

"Thanks. Again. I'm glad you got me to come out."

"I am too. It was nice to be and not have to work. Even if I did bust my ass."

"You looked so cute, though." She giggles.

He walks to stand in front of her and paces slowly. The silver moon shines on his handsome face, giving him a dream-like look.

"Cute?" He scoffs, "I am not cute!"

Tired of following his movement with her eyes, Bella loops her pointer finger into one of Edwards belt loops and pulls until he almost falls on her. She tilts her head up to find Edward staring back down at her lips, his own part. Maybe it's the weeks worth of buildup or the muddying that happens in Bella's brain when Edward gets a little too close, but she can't it when she asks.

"Are you gonna kiss me?"

Edward's eyes briefly widen in shock, but then he leans in a bit closer, a silver chain coming out of his shirt.

"Do you want me to?" he breathes.

She does. God, she wants him to _so_ badly. She had been doing so well- working on her dancing, school work, and self. She liked Edward - they both knew it but for some reason Bella just knew she had so much more to work through, so much to understand about herself. Edward was too magnetic and once she was in, she couldn't see herself ever wanting to find an out.

But she could be selfish, and forgetting what she _should_ do, she did what she _wanted_ to do.

Instead of answering, she reaches up to grip Edward's neck and pulls his face down, their lips meeting for the first time. Their kiss isn't tentative or unsure, but fierce and hungry. She revels in the feel of his soft lips and warm breath mingling with hers. His hands slip around her waist, pulling her to him so tight she swears she's about to fade into him.

It's everything she thought it would be.

* * *

**A/N: It's not edited - sorry for any glaring mistakes! Leave me a thought. **


	6. Give Yourself A Try

**Playlist: Give Yourself A Try- The 1975**

* * *

**THEN: 15 years old.**

Bella hates being angry. The shuddering breaths, the shaking hands and nasty way her flaming tongue would throw scorching words out. She hated it all, but it was she ever felt anymore.

She muttered to herself, holding back tears as she stomped down the dark road. It was only a bit past midnight and she had stealthily climbed out of her bedroom window on the first floor.

Just minutes before, she had yelled at her mother, tears streaming down her face, "I hate it here! I hate it here!"

"If you hate it here so much, then leave." her mother said back, her voice low but sharp and hurt evident in her eyes.

So Bella did leave, running away from the hurt she caused and the hurt she felt.

She wasn't sure she wanted to go to Rosalie's house, but it was the closest to her and she found herself headed there anyway. They hadn't been as close as they once were, the death of Bella's father changing everything and everyone. Bella tried not to think about that, knowing Rosalie would welcome her anyway.

She was selfless that way.

The night seemed to mirror Bella's mood, the trees that lined the street dark menacing above her as the wind howled sorrowly. And the quiet of the street that she could never quite enjoy was soon interrupted by the sound of tires on gravel and a bright light. Bella turned briefly, spotting the large black jeep whose tires she could hear slowing down as her heart rate sped up.

"Yo!"

Bella automatically turned her head as the car rolled to a stop next to her. Inside she could just barely make out two guys and one very bored looking girl. Nervous, Bella continued to walk.

"You need a ride?" The voice continued, closer and more familiar now. Did she know this guy?

Stopping under a streetlight, Bella peered closer into the front seat, her eyebrows rising in recognition.

"Hi, um."

Riley Biers sat, one hand on the steering wheel as he smiled. Both charming and dangerous, Bella wasn't sure what to make of the boy. She knew about him of course, as he was popular before dropping out the year before, but she had never interacted with him. What she did know what that Riley was cute, older and mysterious.

She almost couldn't believe he was here offering her a ride.

"I'm just walking. I have nowhere to go...in particular." She continued.

Riley briefly looked over at the boy in the passenger seat, subtly nodding his head towards the back. Without a word, the boy climbed over the threshold and fell into the back seat next to the girl. Turning back to look at Bella, he reaches over to unlock the door.

"You do now. If you're down."

Bella could feel her heart racing once again, the fluttering in her stomach enough to make her want to vomit. His words, though simple, felt like a dare. Something told her that wherever they were going, wouldn't be her scene but the more she contemplated the offer, the more she didn't care. Hanging out with these strangers would be easy. They didn't know her or her situation. They wouldn't pester her to open up or give her pitying looks.

Maybe she needed a new scene.

Wordlessly, she hopped in and strapped her seatbelt as Riley drove off.

* * *

**NOW:**

A blaring car horn drags Bella out of her daze. With a gasp, she pushes back on Edward's chest and moves as far as she can with his arms still wrapped around her. She looks up at his confused and slightly alarmed face. She could see the question in his eyes- had he hurt her or something?

Bella sighed, dropping her forehead to his chest as she worked to catch her breath. The quiet of the moment ruined, Bella began to freak out about her bold actions.

What did she do?

"Ah, fuck." She muttered.

She felt Edwards warm fingers as he lifted her chin, his eyes searching her face.

"What's wrong?' he whispers.

"I'm sorry," she whispers back.

Edward doesn't respond verbally, his eyes crinkling in question instead.

"We can't do that again. I mean- I guess what I'm saying is, I shouldn't have asked you to do that. I wanted you to so badly, but I wasn't thinking and I-"

Edward steps back, softly releasing Bella from his hold.

"Bella, what happened? I thought- I mean-" He stops when he notices the watering of her eyes. He can see the frustration and confusion in her eyes. It breaks his heart.

"I just...can't..right now," she says brokenly.

Edward opens his mouth to respond, but spotting her Aunt Carmen pulling in, Bella shakes her head. Wiping her face, she looks up at him, her eyes begging him to just..wait.

"Later. I promise we can talk."

Wordlessly, Edward nods his head.

"Alright."

* * *

" So you just like...ran away?" shrieks Angela.

Bella rolls her eyes as she stretches beside Jasper. Noticing her distracted demeanor all day, her friends pressed after dance practice.

She had worked hard to ignore avoid Edward all day, coming late to the classes they shared and skipping study hall.

After some dodging, Bella finally admits the previous night's events.

Predictably, the girls and Jasper are upset.

"I ship you guys so hard- you guys together give me life!" continues Angela.

"Bella, I adore you, hon- but you make no sense sometimes," says Jasper from his downward dog position.

"It made sense- in my head. I can't even explain it..."

"Try," says Zafrina from her position on the floor. Angela, Rose, and Jasper stop their stretching to give Bella their undivided attention as well.

"Ok." she sighs, determined to try and verbalize her jumbled thoughts. "I like him. He likes me. We know this, right? When we're together, I always forget the bullshit from my past but...If I want to be with him, I can't just ignore it. I would have to explain my past, I'd have to be totally open. Otherwise? It's just not fair to him. He doesn't know the bullshit that comes with being with an addict!" Bella's voice gets louder as she becomes more impassioned. " And that's the thing with being an addict too- everyone expects me to act like I'm not. Like I don't constantly crave that shit. Like I don't have to fight the urge to leave and escape my fucked up head. I'm clean now, but it's only been four months! Four! I can't drag him into my bullshit. I can't. He would fucking run if he knew the half of it."

By the end of her rant, Bella feels both better and worse. It feels good to finally explain her insecurity to her friends but it's hard to verbalize that she isn't normal. That she's afraid.

Before she can run from them too, her friends jump up and wordlessly pull Bella into a group hug.

"Oh, Bella" Sighs Rose. "You're breaking my heart"

Bella sniffles, her face buried in Japers' chest.

"And we all know what happened the last time I was with someone." Bella adds.

"I hear you- I think we all do- but Bella, you keep holding yourself to the standards of the past. You're trying to be better, but how can you if you won't forgive yourself? You think you only punish yourself but you also punish everyone who loves you. People who are trying to love you." Rose whispers into the small group.

"I just need...time."

"Time doesn't heal everything- it's what you do with that time that does," Jasper says matter of factly.

"That was really nice, Jazz." Zafrina snarks.

"Thank my former therapist!"

The group laughs, all breathing a bit easier after the tense moment. Bella smiles at the group, hoping her gratitude is reflected in her facial expression. She doesn't know how they put up with her crazy head.

Eventually, Bella and Jasper continue to work on the choreography for the upcoming pep-rally as the other girls watch and give their opinions. They work through most of the evening, finishing up close to 8 pm.

Bella is the last person left, wanting to perfect the choreography before teaching the team. When she hears the custodian in the halls, she knows it's late and she should bike home before her curfew.

The late hour in mind, she jumps when someone knocks on the door to the dance studio.

She's not totally surprised when she sees Edward leaning on the door frame, handsome as ever, with a hesitant expression on his face.

"Is it later, yet?"

* * *

**My Mac is destroyed and has been for weeks! I wrote this on my tablet :\**

**Leave a thought. **


	7. I'm With You

**Playlist: I'm With You- Vance Joy**

* * *

Edward stands leaning against the door frame, visibly tired but attentive as always. He holds his gym bag by the straps, the vain in his arms prominent.

His question hangs in the air for a moment, the tension palpable. There they stood as if ready for battle. Edward, ready to fight for a chance and Bella, ready with offensive moves. There was no way he'd want anything to do with her after she came clean- right?

Bella is at a loss, having only gone into depth about her past with her therapist. Her family had- as always- been so gracious in giving her space that they never dared press.

_Except her mother, but that was an entirely different situation. _

Focusing on her mission, on _at least _giving Edward this, she blurts out the first truth.

"I'm scared."

She sounds how she feels: like a scared child. She can't even look at his unwavering gaze. He doesn't verbally answer Bella at first,waiting until she hesitantly peeks up at him.

"That's okay." Edward finally says, "But just know...I'm a safe space. At least, I'm trying to be."

At that moment Edward looks and sounds decidedly adult. It was one of the things she liked most about Edward- his maturity. For the most part, he was a cheeky clown who set her inside a buzz. Every now and then though, she'd get glimpses of this Edward. She wasn't sure any of the others guys her age would have even made it this far with her. She yearns to be as mature as him. She tries.

"I don't know how to do this." She says, her voice exasperated and her arms folded in what looks like defeat. Already strife with nerves, she can't bear to look at his face and give him the explanation he's owed. If she were a better person, a less selfish person- she would just leave him alone as she had intended to do in the first place. The action was almost tantrum-like.

_So much for being mature. _

Part of her understood that this guilt and feeling of unworthiness was why she always hoped that he'd just grow tired of her. She wanted to take the pressure off herself in the laziest way possible- by always giving just _this_ much but never giving it all. It was shitty and admittedly wasn't working anyway.

She wasn't sure if Edward was stubborn or really that patient of a person, but he never seemed to waver.

So the least she could give him was this.

Bella hadn't realized that she had been quiet for so long, startled by Edward's warm and calloused hands. Bella watches as his large hands work to unfurl the fingers on her left hand and hold them lightly with his own. He softly clears his throat.

Blazing emerald meets her smoldering brown, and he calmly says, "Start from the beginning."

So she does.

"I wasn't a good person before. I'm not sure that I am now, actually...but I'm working on that."

Edward tugs on her arm, prompting her to follow his lead as he lowers himself to the floor and sits. His eyes are on their intertwined fingers, thick brows furrowed.

"I have stolen, lied, ignored and been straight-up mean. Y'know, the people who love me...they always say '_that wasn't you, Bella_' but it was. A different m, but still me. I don't remember a lot before the accident- mostly because I was so fucking high I didn't care where I was half the time." she laughs humorlessly feeling awkward and naked.

"But the beginning...I guess that's when dad got sick. My mom was gone a lot- working you know?"

Edward nods his head, a small "yeah" slipping out of his lips.

"I told you this a little bit-"

"I remember."

"Yeah, well like I said, I was older so I'd watch over daddy. Usually, after I did my homework I'd stay in bed with him and we'd watch these corny 80's sitcoms. He loved _Family Matters_." she remembers fondly. "But anyway, at nine he would take this medication cocktail and knock right out. It was the most peaceful he'd looked in a while. Maybe ever. Like a sleeping angel. I wanted that, that peace so I would steal a pill and it was like nothing else-not even dancing."

"No one noticed?" Edward wonders aloud.

"Not really. We were alone a lot and I could usually just pass it off as being tired. I never took enough pills to raise suspicion either. I guess they'd just assumed daddy had a particularly bad day or something."

Bella pauses for a few seconds, reconfiguring her thoughts as she tried to make sense of her memories linearly.

"Daddy died around Christmas time- I remember we'd all been around the tree decorating a week before. I was pissy because it felt so forced to me. Everyone pretending that he wasn't withering away right before our eyes. I know now that it was for our- the kids- sakes. And maybe mom's too." she shakes her head absently.

"He wasn't good, but he was up and talking that day. The next day he had a cough. Four days later he died in the hospital. They said he'd contracted Sepsis but if it wasn't that,he would have died soon either way. That feeling...I had never, ever felt that bad in my entire life. Never. We had a good life, a good family before the Cancer. We weren't perfect, but we were content. Things haven't been the same since he was diagnosed. So his death...It all spiraled from there, I guess. It was so quick I don't know that I could have stopped it."

"What about your friends?" Edward asks. Offering him a tiny smile, she reaches over to fix a curl that fell on his forehead before answering.

"They tried. I know they did but I wasn't ready to accept their support then. I was convinced that no one could help or understand me. I was really angry. I wanted to be someone else. When I was fifteen, Riley gave me that escape."

"Riley," Edward said as if testing the name on his tongue. "A boyfriend, I assume?"

Bella nods.

"He was this older kid that used to go here. I Remember hearing that he'd been arrested or something, then he dropped out. I didn't see him for a while. He gave me a ride one night, I snuck out that night, and took me all over Port Angeles. It was...exhilarating. It was forbidden and _not me_. That first night he gave me so many pills, i didn't even what half of them were. He hooked me up for free,too. Got my number and we started hanging out... "

"The perfect disaster."

"Exactly." Bella agrees. "I won't get into details, but I was so impressionable. I went along with almost anything he wanted and he loved it. I was like a toy, he loved having me on his arm...showing me off. He'd say things I thought were romantic but really they were...violent and controlling. He...didn't always treat me great. It always felt like it was my fault. Like, maybe if I'd paid him more attention or looked better he wouldn't.. but...no. At one point I didn't even care. I was in pretty deep with his lifestyle, I was with him most was starting to get comfortable"

Edward nodded, knowing how dangerous getting comfortable could be.

"So what was the breaking point?" He asks.

"What do you know about this summer?" Bella wonders instead of directly answering.

Edward is hesitant, but sighs and answers anyway.

"Something about an overdose...and an accident?"

Bella feels her cheeks warm in embarrassment. She had hoped that Edward hadn't been witness to the whispers about Bella but she knew the boys locker room gossip rivaled the harshness of mean girls. She wasn't stupid - she knew there would be talk before she came back but she had still foolishly hoped that the new boy wouldn't be privy. Bella couldn't blame anyone, had it been someone else she'd probably wonder or listen too. Her memory was hazy, but she offered what she could.

"It was after an argument with Riley. He'd given me some crazy shit- a bad batch- and I had been so angry, I just got in my car and drove home. I remember feeling fine getting into the seat. I don't remember losing consciousness, but my aunt told me I hit the tree in our front yard at two in the afternoon. Carmen said it was terrible, that I looked dead. Mom was freaking out, kept trying to get to my body. Alice was confused and crying. Vomit and sweat and the car... and Alice must have been so scared."

Bella choked out the last part of her speech and Edward automatically wrapped his arm around her body and brought her into his chest. He caressed her hair as she shook in his arms, her sobs quiet but heartbreaking.

While Bella sat there and cried, Edward sat proudly and a bit impressed. Objectively- her actions had been bad and he knew that the rippling effects of addiction are deep and painful. This was something he had seen before- people he loved have been through the not the same extent, he couldn't help but wonder if he and Bella had more in common than they both thought. Regardless, he could see how serious she seemed about making a change. How could he judge her? She wasn't the bad person she felt she was. She had done bad things, but she wasn't her mistakes - something Edward saw so clearly. He wished she could too.

"I was charged with a DUI- but since I was sixteen, they arranged a deal. I get my liscense suspended until I'm eighteen. I attend NA meetings twice a month and I attend therapy. And stay clean of course. If I do well, they'll take it off my record. I got really lucky." She mutters. "Mom and I don't really speak anymore. I've cause too much stress, I guess."

"And Edward I just- I need you to get this. Even after the rehab and after therapy- I will always be a recovering addict. Just thinking about the drugs, I can sometimes feel that craving or that excitement. Everyone I love knows this. And they fear it, just like I do. This is heavy stuff and I can't ask-``she cuts herself off, sniffling and wiping her face.

She was right- this was heavy stuff. Edward wasn't sure what the right thing to say was. She was skittish- he'd learned that the night before. He didn't want to scare with any declarations but he wanted her to trust him so _badly_.

_And, god, they were only seventeen. _

But Edward got the sense that Bella Swan wasn't a quitter- and neither was he.

Cradling her wet and splotchy face, he turns it so that she's looking up at him. Her lashes are wet and her lips are chapped and she still looks so beautiful. The words tumble out of him before he knows it.

"I'm here, with you, because I _wanna_ be. Let me."

"Be with me...how?"

"However you need. You know how I feel." He shrugs.

It's true. Edward doesn't mind waiting. He had been doing it for months now and time was always relative.

Blushing, Bella feels pinned by his gaze. She knows what she _wants_ to say. She says what she _should_ say instead.

"Friends...for now."

"With benefits?" He jokes.

Bella playfully slaps his arm, warming at the sound of his chuckles.

"Kidding!"

She matches his wide smile.

"Friends...with an understanding." she amends.

* * *

**A/N:** Wrote this one at my dentists appointment on my phone. Oy.


	8. All For Us

**Playlist: All For Us- Labyrinth ft. Zendaya**

**I didn't plan on going this long between updates! I'm going to update again this week. **

* * *

**Then: 3 months ago **

Bella hated hospitals.

Not only because they're sterile and cold. She hated the rigid dichotomy of circumstance found there. Generally, you were either given good news or bad news - or on the odd occasion, no news, which was just bad news in her experience.

She hated the protocols and detached way of interacting that was often necessary for medical professionals.

She hated the waiting, the smell...

Suffice it to say- she avoided them at all cost.

So, when she wakes up handcuffed to a bed, in a hideous gray gown, she immediately knows she's in one.

What she can't immediately figure out is how? And why?

She'd been aware of the painful thumping in her head since she came to. The sharp pain in her neck and side seemed to be increasing as she continued to gain awareness. She tries to remember details, like the date or her birthday to ground herself.

During her internal freak-out, she becomes suddenly aware of someone's hand grasping hers. Before she even turns to look, she knows the hand belongs to her mothers.

She's the only person Bella knows that enjoys wearing a ring on each finger.

Her mother's face is turned oddly, her dirty blonde hair covering most of it. Behind her, little Alice is curled up in a loveseat.

Outside her room she can hear the faint whisper of a nurse or a doctor, "...patient was administered Naloxone..."

There's a sudden sinking in her stomach. Naloxone?

The overdose antidote? _That _naloxone?

She gripped her mother's hand harder.

_You're so fucking stupid _

She was brought out of her internal chastising when she heard the sound of ruffled clothing. Not ready to deal with any interaction, she closed her eyes and tried to even her breathing. Hopefully she appeared to be sleeping.

Listening to the small steps and loud breathing, she knew it could only be Alice. Bella could feel her next to the bed and could feel her eyes on her face.

"I know you're not sleeping." Alice whispered, her sweet voice serious.

Bella opened her left eye and took a peek before allowing her right eye to open as well.

"Hi Al," She managed to croak.

Wordlessly, Alice pulled herself onto the bed, careful so as not to put any of her weight on Bella.

She sat beside Bella's legs, her expression gloomier than Bella had ever seen. The sound of monitors, carts and their mothers deep breaths filled the otherwise silent room.

What could she say?

"Are you going to die?" Alice asked.

Bella's eyes widened before they watered.

"Like Daddy did? _Are you_?" Alice pressed.

"No."

"How do you know?"

"Cause- _Al, look at me_\- cause, I know. I promise. Ok?"

Alice looked reluctant to agree and Bella felt even shittier then, knowing Alice was recalling the numerous times bella had broken her promises.

Bella wished she could express to her -and everyone else she was sure to have disappointed- that it was never supposed to go this far- get _this_ bad.

So she looked at her little sister, arguably the most important person in her world and begged with her eyes that she trust her this once.

Alice looked away before speaking.

"Ok."

* * *

**Now: October**

Bella pumped her legs faster as she sped by on her bike. She was late to her NA meeting, as she usually was, but she couldn't be bothered to care. She was feeling good and light and...free?

At least, in one sense. It had been a few days since her talk with Edward and things between them flowed seamlessly. Despite their obvious attraction for one another, he was a true friend to her and more mature than she could ever be.

She wanted to be worthy of a friend like him, and maybe in time...a partner like him.

Arriving at the community center, Bella quickly jumped off her bike and set it against the buildings side, not bothering to chain it up. As she was about to enter the meeting, she felt her phone vibrate as she pulled it out her back pocket.

_This english hw is killing me. _

Bella smirked as she typed back a response. Though Edward was dangerously attractive, he wasn't as smooth as he thought he was. This was his thing- he'd send a text about needing help with school work which would then lead to hours long Facetime conversations that very rarely had anything to do with the work he was "struggling" with. It was something Jasper had actually pointed out, and Bella though it was so cute, she never mentioned that she was on to him.

She also didn't want him to stop.

_**Poor baby**_

_Yup. im a poor baby who desperately needs your help. _

_**Can't :(**_

_?_

_**At NA**_

_Ah. As you were soldier. _

Reluctantly, she began to pocket her phone when she felt the vibration against her hand.

_And also...have a nice meeting? _

_Was that weird to say? Sorry. _

Edward was also a double texter. Again- too cute.

_**Lmfao. No, that's...perfect. **_

Bella ignored Siobhan's disapproving eyes as she signed in.

"You're late. Again." She deadpanned.

"Last time! Promise!" Bella threw over her shoulder as she walked into the large meeting room.

She grabbed a chair towards the end of the room, noticing a new face at the podium. The man had sandy blonde hair and strong features. If Bella had to guess, she would have put his age from anywhere to mid to late forties.

Though she rarely engaged during these meetings, she knew almost all the regular attendees by face. He must have been new, but he spoke with vigor and passion. She listened.

" ...I thought that by doing good, studying in med school, being an EMT... I was absolved of any wrongdoing. One canceled the other. But that's not how it works, because while I couldn't give a shit about myself, my mother, my ex-wife, my friends...they lived in fear everyday. They carried my burden, and it almost broke them." His eyes, a sharp blue color, scanned the crowd before landing briefly on Bella.

"The worst part though is that my reality...and the reality that was... are worlds apart. And in my memories, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell the difference. And my ex-wife and daughter don't speak to me much these days, because it's hard for them to move-on or forget. I don't want them to forget though. Cause they're the only way I'll remember the truth of my reality. _This_ reality. Thanks."

He's met with thunderous applause from the group as he walks down. People pat his back and offer him encouraging words, as he heads to the back and finds a spot near Bella. It isn't until he passes her a tissue from his jacket that she realizes she's crying.

Outside, Bella leans against the side of the building as she watches clumps of people leave the center. When she caught the blonde hair she's looking for, she leaps into action and catches his sleeve. The man looks back in confusion, his scruffy eyebrows furrowed. Bella steels herself before speaking.

"Hi- not trying to be a creep or anything. I just wanted to say, you really moved me in there... I usually ignore these meetings but I really relate. So, um, yeah. Thanks."

The man regarded her for a second, his eyes softening as Bella wonders what he sees.

"Carlisle." He says, offering his hand.

"Bella."

"Nice to meet you. I'm sorry that you relate."

"Me too."

"I'll say this, my life is probably harder than it's ever been right now."

Bella frowns.

"But it's also the best it's ever been. You get what I'm saying?"

"I do." Bella responds nodding.

"Who do you do it for?"

The question confuses Bella, and she isn't sure how to respond. She begins to regret even talking to Carlisle.

"Do...what?"

"This." He answers, waving his hand towards the center.

Ah. He means sobriety.

"My...family. My mom, Aunt and little sister." she sounds young and unsure to her own ears.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't use your guilt to keep you clean. It never works. Guilt isn't that strong. When you do this, for _you -_and subsequently everyone who loves you- then you'll succeed."

Bella is left speechless.

"You have a sponsor?"

"No"

He whips out a small white card and hands it to her.

"Good night Bella."

She watches as he walks off, a slight limp to his gait, and wonders how all these strangely kind men whirled into her life at the same time.

On her way home, she tries to picture her future. She can't see much yet, but she goes to bed hopeful.

* * *

** I read every review and appreciate them all! leave a thought if you're inclined. more to come.**


	9. Hung Up

**Playlist: Hung up - Madonna**

* * *

**NOW: **

"1, 2, 3, - good! - 1, 2, 3..."

Bella watches anxiously as Jasper leads the team through the final minutes of their last practice. They had been working tirelessly to perfect the choreography for tomorrow's pep rally and game. Game days were huge at their school, and performing during them was good practice for the team before competitions.

Sufficiently pleased and tired, Bella and Jasper ran through details once more before ending the practice early. The girls shuffled quickly to collect their bags and jackets, excitedly chatting while Bella, Jasper, and Zafrina stayed behind to clean.

"Are you guys staying over tomorrow?" Asks Zafrina.

Almost as customary as the pep rally and game were the plethoras of after-parties hosted. Whether pumped from the adrenaline of a win or in need of a good time after a crushing loss, after-parties were always the answer. And it seemed that with each passing year, they became wilder.

_Right in line with me,_ thought Bella wryly.

"I might," says Jasper.

Bella doesn't bother.

"Cool," Zafrina answers, looking up from her phone. "Rose wants us to meet her."

"Where?"

"Bleachers."

Bleachers- Bella knew what that meant. The word was basically synonymous with football practice, and watching said practice- keenly. Quickly, Bella ran through the pros and cons- on the one hand, she really didn't want to see Lauren and her bitch brigade so soon after being rid of them. She could take the icy glares and snide whispers when she was leading, but choosing to be around that in a social situation? She wouldn't choose that.

Plus, that creep Mike would surely be there, his pointed looks and nauseating smirks leaving much to be desired. She shuddered at the thought.

"I'm gonna head home." She decided out loud.

Jasper and Zafrina shared a look, both pursing their lips.

"Alright," Jasper spoke, shrugging lightly. He had relinquished way too easily. Bella narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "I'll tell Edward you said 'Hi'"

After insistent badgering, Bella had given her friends the gist of her deal with Edward. As a general consensus, they had agreed that for now, what Edward and Bella had could be labeled a "situation-ship". Not a relationship, but a situation potentially heading there. Either way, her friends had insisted that if she hadn't explained, it would have been quite obvious anyway. Edward, in particular, was not embarrassed to express his affection for Bella around her friends, never hesitating to throw an arm around her or flash her an adorably sweet smile. Despite her best efforts, Bella couldn't completely hide how much he sent her heart fluttering. And her friends knew it.

Her cheeks redden at how obviously she falters.

"I'll stay for a few minutes -but that's it." She relents, rolling her eyes.

Jasper and Zafrina try to hide their Cheshire cat smiles. It doesn't work.

* * *

Following her friends up the bleachers and past Lauren's scathing glare, Bella settles on the spot closest to the isle in their row. The decision wasn't purposeful, but Bella smugly realizes that in this way she can escape with much more ease.

"Fucking finally," Rose mutters, her skinny legs curled into her chest.

"Why are you in a bad mood? I thought that Emmet finally finger-fucking you last night would lighten you up." Jasper deadpans.

Rose almost chokes on air. "Jasper!"

Ignoring Rose and Jasper's bickering, Bella scans the field with what she hopes looks like a cursory glance and not the probing one that more accurately reflects her intent. She sees a couple of the guys she knows- Mike, Tyler, Emmet- but she can't find _him_.

Just when she's about to give up, Lauren's shrill voice floats over, "I want to have his babies!"

She's met with pitchy giggles. "I'm serious!"

Bella looks over to where the girls' point and watches as Edward's impressive figure walks from the locker rooms and onto the sidelines, Coach Banner gesticulating wildly at his side.

She watches, quietly mesmerized, as Edward joins the others as they complete their drills.

The sheer strength and agility he exudes on the field, his expression so focused and determined. The sweat dripping from his hairline and down his sharp jaw. His face was red from exertion and his wide chest moving up and down as he works to catch his breath.

_My God._

And when he looks up and catches her eyes with a smile, she wants to die.

Her line of sight is disrupted by a crumpled piece of tissue. Scrunching up her nose, Bella turns to Jasper and levels him with a glare.

"You've got some drool there, Babe." He says semi-seriously, wiping the corner of her mouth.

That's when she notices her friend's highly amused and somewhat smug looks. She rolls her eyes.

"Fuck you guys."

They laugh loudly, mimicking Bella's face and joking but when Bella glances back out into the field and sees Edward in action, she can't bring herself to care.

Coach Banner rolls his eyes as he watches the players and spectators meet one another. Some of the players head straight to the locker rooms- to shower and avoid overzealous girls- while others walk toward the bleachers and spit game at whoever will listen.

Bella follows Rose and Zafrina as they talk to Emmet, but her eyes stay locked on Lauren as she giggles loudly at something Edward says. She can't hear a thing, but she knows it couldn't have been that funny.

She wants to rip her head off.

In her rational mind, she considers that they are in a group setting-not alone, so it can't be as sinister as she conjures up. But still, even though he isn't really hers to claim, she hates that he accepts Laurens subtle touches and even throws a few smiles her way. Despite her best efforts, she can feel the flames of jealousy stroke at her insecurities and tempt her anger.

Why is he being so nice to her?

But of course, he is. If Bella has learned one thing, it's that Edward is a genuinely kind person. The kind of person who will carry a stroller up the stairs for a mother or pay for some loner's lunch. He's the kind of person that will give most people a fair chance.

He also had no idea that if she could, Bella would slap the actual shit out of Lauren.

"So." Zafrina starts, her voice casual. Bella looks over wearily, arms crossed as she raises an eyebrow in question.

"Lauren's got some new prey." She continues, her eyes settling over to the large group.

Bella's eyes glide back to the group, noticing Edward's phone in Lauren's hand now.

All at once, she can feel a sinking in her chest. Her insecurity rears its ugly head, bringing with it a flash of anger and embarrassment. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she had doubted Edwards's insistence that he really did like her and he'd wait as long as she needed for a real relationship.

He had the attention of every girl, why would he settle for a recovering addict who had maybe five solid friends and barely spoke to her mother? Someone who was court-mandated to attend NA meetings and wasn't allowed to drive? Someone who could potentially never give him everything he deserved?

"Bella, stop it," Zafrina mutters. "That bitch has nothing on you. I was just telling you- just to...y'know tell him to keep an eye out for that one."

Bella appreciates where Zafrina is coming from and knows that she has her back. Still, she can't deny that the information hasn't killed her entire mood and increased her insecurity ten-fold.

She's too sensitive-especially when it comes to Edward. Hugging Zafrina and Rose, she decides she should head out.

Grabbing her bag and sweater, she quickly walks around the bleachers and towards the parking lot. On her way out she contemplates - walking or biking? The weather is supposed to be good all week but waking up extra early the next morning is also unappealing.

She's almost reached her bike when a large hand grasps at her fingers.

"Woah, hold on." says the smooth voice that could only belong to Edward.

She turns to face him, not sure what he's seeing on her face.

His eyes are confused but his smile is warm.

"What's up? No 'Hi'?" He wonders.

"Hi."

His eyebrows furrow slightly at her tone.

"You alright?"

How does she explain her sudden shift in attitude? After all, she was all flirty smiles and eyes just an hour ago.

_No, Edward. I hate that Lauren is flirting with you and you're letting her. Why would you give her your phone? Why would you smile at her? That bitch is probably doing this to spite me!_

Is what she wants to say. Instead, she flashes a genial smile. "Perfect. You?"

His eyes narrow, and his lips turn down in a small frown. She can tell he doesn't believe her.

"I'm good. Want me to drive you home?"

"Nah, I think I'm just gonna walk today."

"I'll walk you."

"I'm ok."

"Bella." He says, his voice serious now. "It's getting dark. Stop being weird."

"Why don't you walk Lauren home?"

It comes out of her mouth before she can stop it. Edward looks confused, but then his mouth curls up into a smirk.

"Is that why you're mad?" he asks incredulously, the last word coming out as a chuckle.

With a huff, Bella pulls her fingers out of his grasp and walks away.

Of course, he follows. This time, he stops in front of her, using his height and long strides to his advantage. He lowers his head so that he can catch her eyes, and she's held by his gaze.

"What's wrong?" He whispers.

"She hates me," Bella whispers back. "And she's flirting with you and taking your phone and I'm just being weird about it. I'm sorry." she sighs.

That's as much as she's willing to reveal. She can't get any deeper, already exhausted.

"She wasn't flirting with me. I'm pretty sure Tyler and her have something going on." He says simply, shrugging as he grasps her fingers again. "I wouldn't flirt with her anyway."

Taking a deep breath, Bella can feel some rationality slowly dripping back into her mind. She envies how simple Edward perceives situations. She works to adopt that style, even if just this once. She can't- and shouldn't- control who Edward speaks to. It's good that Edward continues to make friends so easily, and most importantly- she is to work supposed to trusting him.

They begin walking again, their hands swinging slightly between them. Bella never mentions it, not wanting these mindless touches to stop.

"Hmm. Good to know." Bella mutters, admittedly feeling much better.

"Jesus." Edward laughs, tugging lightly at her hair.

The walk to Aunt Carmen's house is about thirty minutes, and they speak non-stop the entire time. They talk about their days, the upcoming game, pep rally and silly things that make them both laugh so hard they snort. When they turn the corner, they can both see Aunt Carmen on the front porch, painting over the porch rails. She wears a small scarf on her head and loose clothing. Turning her head, she shoots a beatific smile when she spots her niece.

Bella drops Edward's hand automatically and works to tamper the obvious happiness from her face.

"Hey, Bunny." Says Carmen, affectionately greeting her niece with her childhood nickname. Though not overt, Bella immediately hears the suggestive tone in Carmen's voice. Bella levels her with a glare that says, _STOP IT_.

Carmen smirks.

"Bunny," She starts again, "Introduce your friend!"

Before Bella can speak, Edward reaches forward, beginning to offer a hug before remembering his sweaty uniform. He offers a hand instead, which Carmen ignores, pulling him into her arms.

"I'm Edward."

"Carmen."

Over Edward's shoulder, she raises her eyebrows teasingly at Bella.

"Nice to meet you."

A few more pleasantries are exchanged before Carmen offers an invitation to dinner. Edward reluctantly declines, starting to feel his uniform stick to his body. In his rush to catch up with Bella, he had entirely foregone a shower.

Bella is both relieved and saddened by his refusal, but ultimately decides it's a good thing. Like a precious jewel, Bella is particular about sharing Edward with many people. Similar to a prized jewel, she can't help thinking that flashing him around would eventually lead to someone taking him away from her.

And that's a scenario she simply could not bear.

* * *

Riley Biers could admit that he was an impatient person – most likely the symptom of being an only child. But even outside the sphere of his upbringing- he was always used to getting what he wanted, from everyone. His friends, lovers, acquaintances, enemies…

By any means necessary.

So, when he watches from his front seat as Bella, whose true love and affection had evaded him, stood staring affectionately at the back of another guy- his anger is white-hot.

She had naively given him certain things- her body, her time, her trust. Still, when she whispered those words, "I love you too.", it never felt true, no fire behind her words. The light brown pools of her eyes were usually marred with something akin to confusion, her constantly inebriated state making most of their conversations feel...artificial.

Despite the nagging voice in his head that knew this small truth, he chose to hang onto those words. Coming from her sweet mouth, coated in her beautiful voice. Real or not- he ate it all up, glowing under her attention. She was his, and as far as he understood- she still was.

He had done everything to keep it that way. He had built her up and tore her down. He had given her the love she thought she deserved. He gave her the medication she so desperately craved. He gave her the crazy experiences she sought, and in return, she was his.

No questions asked.

He had heard about her accident and reached out many times. He'd tried all the usual tricks, after all, it hadn't been the first time they'd had an argument and she'd given the silent treatment.

He'd tried loving words, temptation, and even thinly veiled threats. She had never responded.

She couldn't have been done that easy. Was this boy the reason why?

Slowly, so as not to bring any attention to the borrowed car, Riley pulled out of his parking spot across the street and followed the boy in the uniform.

A fucking jock. He sneered through his windshield.

He followed the boy conspicuously as he made it back to the high school's parking lot. Riley made note of his car, license plate and the name "_CULLEN_" on his jersey.

To Riley, this boy was nothing but a punk. A threat meant to hurt Bella and take her away from him. Flashes of the boy kissing Bella, touching her skin, whispering and laughing with her. An image of Bella wholeheartedly saying, "I love you."

He couldn't bear it, his hands curling into fists. He'd always felt fiercely protective of Bella, the way someone would of a possession. He would do anything to protect her. To keep her away from those who'd harm her.

Anything.

* * *

Thanks for following, reviewing, lurking..etc

Hoping every enjoyed the Holidays and Happy New Year!


	10. Chapter 10

**Playlist: I'm Still Standing - Elton John **

* * *

**THEN: **

This wasn't what Bella meant when she had told Riley she wanted to "just forget her day."

It had been another rough day for Bella - school was horrible, she'd been accidentally mean to her friends and her mother was furious with her. More and more, she could see herself becoming someone she despised with everyone she loved despising her too.

The night had started out alright. As usual, she'd rode around with Riley, Jacob and Leah. They smoked, drank, popped and snorted before making it back to Jake's. It was his 20th Birthday and his roommates had his birthday party in full swing for at least 3 hours- nevermind the absence of the parties honored guest.

Higher than heaven, Bella found her way to the dance floor immediately. Alone, in groups, in a pair - as long as there was a beat, she moved to it. It was only a few hours later that Bella felt_ off_. In addition to her severe sweating, her hands shook, her stomach flipped and her teeth were clenched so hard she was sure they were glued together. She wanted to leave. Now.

Frantically searching the party for Riley was unsuccessful. She'd shuffled into rooms, bathrooms and the kitchen all with no luck. Finally, she decided she couldn't stand the muffled air and needed to head outside. Maybe Riley would be there?

As it turns out, he was there standing next to Jake with his arm slung casually over a tall blondes shoulder. Already feeling intensely wrong, Bella could barely contain her irritation at the scene before her. It made her feel even more sick.

Walking up to the trio, Bella opened her mouth to speak.

"I need to go home." She'd managed to croak.

Riley looked down at the blonde and then his phone's screen. "Now?"

"Yes, now. I don't feel good."

He rolled his eyes, before giving her a once over. He noticed her pale face, hooded eyes and shaking hands. She didn't look great, but in his opinion she didn't look _terrible_.

"Just lay down for a bit." He tossed out as the blonde giggled.

She felt a multitude of things. Embarrassment, anger, fear and anxiety. She was ready to curse him the hell out, and just as she opened her mouth, a spew of vomit sprayed down onto the pavement between them.

"Fuck!" Riley yelled jumping back and only just missing the vomit. He turned his ire onto Bella. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sobbing now, Bella tried to defend herself. "I t-to-told you I needed to _go_!"

"You fucking idiot! Why didn't you say you felt sick sooner then?"

"Fuck you! I was looking for you-"

In his anger, Riley ignored Bella's vomit breath and got in her face, grasping her arm tightly.

"Fuck me?" He yelled pointing at his chest, "Nah, Fuck this. Fuck you, you fucking...You're just a fucking kid! Nothing but trouble. More trouble than your worth."

Jake steps forward now, his brow furrowed. "Yo, Biers c'mon, bro. She's a girl."

Shoving Jake's hand off his shoulder, Riley shoves Bella into Jakes arms.

"You deal with that." He throws over his shoulder, grabbing the blondes hand before continuing down the road.

Jake holds Bella while she cries into his shirt, hesitantly rubbing soothing circles on her back. His eyes always remained on the road, for fear that Riley would come back and beat the shit out of him for even touching Bella. Or worse.

Half the time, it seemed that Riley could barely stand Bella- but he'd be damned if anyone else had her. Jake knew that much.

Regardless, he felt bad for the young girl. Leading her back inside, he led her to his bedroom and let her sit while he called Leah. He let Leah help her wash up in his bathroom while he stood near the door.

Both he and Leah stayed with Bella that night, taking care of her as she got sick three more times. Leah held her shaking hands and Jake supplied her with food and water.

When it was mostly quiet in the room, and neither were sure if Bella was asleep, Leah whispered, "Why do you stay with him, Bella?"

Bella slowly opened her eyes, blinking up at Leah slowly. "I don't know." she whispered. Her eyes then darted over to where Jake was seated on her other side. "Why do you?" she wondered. Leah looked over too.

There were plenty of reasons, some that Bella knew about others she didn't. It all boiled down to this: survival.

Instead, Jake whispered "I don't know." back.

* * *

**NOW: **

Bella pulled at the tight white shorts she wore, hoping her panty line wasn't showing.

The locker room was a flurry of activity, the dance team running around to quickly apply their makeup and do their hair. Mostly done, Bella had Jasper add some small adhesive crystals to compliment her makeup. The crystal were placed in a way that framed the edge of her eyes, shimmering when it caught in the light. Her hair was straightened, flowing like silk down her back. Despite the crystals, Bella's look was one of the more tame among the group.

"You're sleeping over?" Asks Rose, her high ponytail swinging with her movement.

"Yeah." Bella responded. She hadn't stayed over in almost a year, her Mother and Aunt concerned she would use the excuse as a way to sneak around. It had taken some convincing, but after Bella's most recent drug test, Renee and Carmen allowed her this. _But only Rose's House_, her mother had warned. Rose's parents were family friends and Renee trusted them.

"Alright." Rose answers simply, a small smile present. She had known Bella's staying over was contingent on her passing the drug test, and was excited to know she'd done so. Her joy is present in her eyes, the shimmering blue pools alight. She knows Bella doesn't want her to mention it, so she doesn't, confident that Bella knows how proud she is.

After returning the smile, Bella's eyes roam the locker room. She watches her teammates in various states of dress, hunching over sinks and compact mirrors as they work to be perfect. Between giggling over boys and gossip, some of the girls practice. The air smells of Victoria's Secret perfume, gum and some fruity drink Bella can't name.

It's the most normal she's felt in a long time.

Only a few minutes later, Jasper comes banging on one of the lockers, signaling that it was time.

* * *

Walking out, Bella had to squint against the blinding stadium lights. She could hear the roar of the crowd as they chanted, chattered and cheered. Turning, she chuckled feeling bad for the poor guy in the mascot costume. The team made their way over to the sidelines, stretching and chatting as they waited for the team to be announced.

"Alright, Port Angeles Panthers, are you ready for some football?" Came the voice of one of the student announcers.

The crowd responded with roars, stomps and whoops. Even for a city this size, the locals were strongly passionate about high school sports, always packing the stands. The dance team joined in, hooping and hollering right along.

The banner was spread out, blocking the tunnels opening. The band started up, playing what Bella sure was a rendition of _Dirt Off Ya Shoulders. _Not long after, the team ran through, Edward among the first to rip through the banner. Some team members waved at the crowd, others ran to the center surveying the field.

Bella tried not be obvious, but she couldn't help looking around for Edward's form. She had lost sight of him among the crowd. He spotted her first, catching her eyes before throwing a smirk and wave her way. She smiled back, slightly fluttering her fingers.

If she had been watching their interaction as an outsider, she would have gagged. Since that wasn't the case, she enjoyed the way her heart soar at his attention.

Both teams sent out one of their captains for the coin toss, the away team winning. The whole stadium watched anxiously as the opposing team kicked the ball to them, one of the players returning it to the sound of cheers.

Once the players took the field, it was a constant blur of bodies running, the ball flying and hard tackles. Bella watched over and over again as bodies zoomed by at lighting speed, the ball thrown over their heads as they worked to avoid the nasty tackles coming their way. Bella watched for Edward's number, 20. He zoomed across the field, his catches precise and his speed impressive. He looked like a bullet. She couldn't help but flinch when he occasionally collided with another player or was tackled. He was strong though, always bouncing back with an energy only his youth could bring.

Port Angeles was kicking ass, and by the time the game had ended they have won 43 t0 13.

The energy was palpable, Bella could only imagine the rush the players felt on the field.

It was also much better to perform when the team was doing well, the crowd was already pumped up and in a good mood. Nevermind that they had reacted positively to the dance teams shorter dances. Impromptu cheers at halftime.

As her team took to the middle of the field, she was extra nervous. This was the first dance she had choreographed completely on her own. The team had done well during practice, picking up the steps quickly. It would also be the first time Edward would see her perform a choreographed dance. She took a deep breath.

The crowd cheers as the opening of a popular song begins, many of the attendees singing along. The dance is quick and high energy but sensual in it's flow. Halfway through Bella wonders why she hadn't put her hair up. Not letting her wild locks deter her, she throws her entire being into the routine, her steps precise and smooth leaving no doubt in the mind of anyone watching that she was leading this thing.

Watching from the sidelines, Edward found himself bopping his head to the beat, his eyes never leaving Bella's figure. He had heard she was good, and she was. Her steps were high energy, and her curves and hair adding an extra sensuality. And her plump ass in those shorts? Forget it.

Edward worked to be a gentleman around Bella, and he usually succeeded, but he knew that after watching her today, he'd have to prepare his right hand for some serious work in order to keep from devouring her. When the music fades out, Edward isn't quiet about his support, whistling and whooping.

Pink and huffing, Bella smiles as the final steps of the routine come to an end, flicking her hair out of her face. She laughs as the dance team ran off the field to cheers and whoops.

This was the energy Bella constantly chased. The feeling that she was _more_, and she mattered. She loved the rush, the appreciation, the hard work.

And in the midst of sweaty teenagers, under the bright lights, she loved how Edward looked at her.

* * *

In the flurry of excitement, Bella misses Edward. He heads home with his family, but texts her a promise to see her later at Ben's.

**You're gonna come right? **

_Yeah_, she responds.

**Good. Wouldn't be a party without you.**

_Don't know about that lol _

**Well, it wouldn't for me at least **

She curses the stupidly charming boy for being so...stupidly charming. Trying to stifle her grin, she pretends she doesn't see Rose glance over at her from the driver's seat.

A bit later, while she and her gang get ready in Rose's bedroom, Jasper debates wearing a mesh tank top under his blazer.

"No one wants to see your hairy nipples, Jas." Rose mutters into the mirror.

"Speak for yourself, these nips are famous around these parts."

"I bet they are." Zafrina utters, a wry smile on her face.

"Plus, it's warmer than usual for the end of October." He argues.

"All thanks to global warming." Bella comments sarcastically.

The girls giggle at Jaspers annoyed expression. "You guys kill everything." he mutters, sitting on Rose's bed and scrolling through his phone.

Despite Jasper's outward demeanor, she can see that he's happy to be here. All of her friends are. After almost losing her life, it had put many things into perspective. The distance that had developed in her friend group was reevaluated- by both Bella and her friends. It wasn't a quick fix, there were still moments where it was obvious Bella had missed a lot - inside jokes, slutty stories and general debauchery one shared with their besties.

For that reason, Bella jumps into the moment like it'll never happen again.

* * *

By the time the crew has made it through the doors of Ben's party, it's packed. The music is bumping, bodies swaying and grinding. The hollering of teen boys can be heard outside and a serious game of beer pong is being played.

While everyone grabs some liquor or beer, Bella grabs a cup of soda and follows Rose to the dancefloor. With Bella there, Rose isn't as nervous dancing and soon enough, the whole crew are dancing without a care in the world. They grind, they sway and somewhere in there do the running man.

Despite all the fun she's having, Bella wonders if Edward is around. Does he like to dance? She wonders. He seems to her like the go with the flow type, exhibiting both hyper and calm behavior. Whatever he likes, she likes him and hopes to see him before the night ends.

It's much later when she feels a large hand grip her thigh as she shuffles past a sofa. Startled, she looks down and finds herself staring into the glowing green eyes she's come to know so well. Her smile mirrors his and turns into a giggle when he pulls her onto his lap.

"There you are," He says, his hand never leaving her thigh.

"Here I am."

"You been hiding from me?" He jokes, his voice low and just a bit gritty.

Bella leans closer, pretending she finds it hard to hear him.

"So what if I was?"

His eyes darken at her obvious flirtation, and his lip curls dangerously.

"I'd keep lookin'"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd never stop."

"Yeah, you were looking real hard from your seat on the couch."

This causes him to laugh heartily, throwing his head back and squeezing her thigh.

"Good game by the way." She praises, resting her hand near his neck now. She can feel the heat and beating of his heart under her palm. It makes her feel warm.

"Thanks. You killed it dancing out there."

She blushes, accepting his praise but quickly moving on. They chat and flirt a little while longer before Bella eventually pulls Edward to dance. He can see the excitement on her face as she sings along to some 90's R&B song. He smiles before pressing her back to his front, holding one hand up to cup his neck. Soon enough, it feels like they're one body, moving together so fluidly it looks practiced. She can feel his warm breath on her neck, and with each huff she can feel herself becoming more turned on. Their flirtation has been going on for weeks, and she isn't sure if it's the music or Edward's body but she feels intoxicated. She turns to face Edward, her eyes meeting his under the dim lights. His smirk is gone, and his eyes are hungry.

She is sure she looks the same. Her hand still cupping his neck, she feels when he starts to leans down. Instead of kissing her lips, he places his lips on her neck softly kissing the skin there while Bella wraps her fingers around the hair at the nape of his neck. When he's driven her sufficiently crazy, she pulls his head up, intent on just kissing him. Just when she licks her lips, Edward stumbles slightly into her. He reflexively wraps both arms around her, and after settling her, turns to confront whoever's pushed him.

"Sorry, bro!" Mike shouts over the noise, his hands up in surrender.

"It's alright. Just watch it." Edward responds, obviously working to tamper down his irritation.

The moment is ruined, and Bella stands gumming her lips as Mike proceeds to chatter.

"But anyway, we need you out there for a ball game, bro. I just bet big money and need your hops."

Edwards eyes cut to Bella, who's still under his arm.

"Ah, maybe next time?" He declines kindly.

"C'mon! Just one game and I'll leave you alone."

The phrase leave alone had Bella shoving Edward forward and Edward agreeing. She follows the boys outside, where there's a hoop and a group already waiting to start.

Bella takes a seat on a long lounge sofa between the pool and hoop, watching as Edward asks the boys to wait before jogging over to her.

"You ok?" He asks.

"I'm good," She smirks, "Beat their ass."

"It'll be quick. Best two outta three." He promises, taping her chin before jogging over.

Bella barely watches, before scrolling through her instagram and twitter feeds. She's beginning to share a post with Jasper when she feels a presence sitting beside her.

"Jake," She exclams, surprise evident in her voice.

"What's up, B?" He says, adjusting his beanie and throwing her smile. She hadn't seen him since the roller rink, and really hadn't thought much of him since then either. His presence made her nervous now, always associating Jake's presence with Riley's. It made her sad, as she had always been fond of Jake and vice versa. He had been a bit like a brother, but he was cut off along with everyone else from her old crew.

"I'm alright, yeah, I'm good. You?"

"I'm good, kid."

She nods. "What're you doing here?"

He raises an eyebrow, as if to say _isn't it obvious?_ "Same reason as always."

She knows that means he's selling for Riley tonight. When she'd hear their discussions, she remembered Riley always loving a younger crowd. They're always more eager and impulsive, he'd said. Easy to hook.

Jake and Riley never attended a party without intention.

"Oh, yeah." Bella smiles sheepishly.

The two are quiet for a moment, watching the boys play their game.

"I hear you ain't into that shit anymore. After that accident. Went to some rehab and found Jesus." He begins, his eyes still on the game.

"Mm. You heard right. Except for the finding Jesus part."

"That's good. Real good. So you're like, completely sober- no drinks or nothin'?"

"Yup."

She's short with her answers, hesitant to reveal too much.

"That's good," He says again, "Hard too. But, you were always better than all of us."

Bella's eyebrows furrow at this. She glances at Edward dunking the ball, before turning her eyes back to Jake. "Don't say that." She mutters.

"Nah. It's true." He says, slumping further into the couch. "Listen, I don't know what type of fucked up shit goes through your head sometimes. But I know you're a good person. I always thought that. I used to sit there and be like, 'Yo why the fuck is she here? She doesn't belong here.'"

She's stunned by his sudden passion. His words feel urgent, like he _needs_ her to believe him.

"You ok, Jake?" She wonders aloud.

He looks over at her, his hands in his hoodie pocket. "I don't know. I'm thinkin' this shit ain't for me either."

"Maybe it isn't. I don't know if it's for anyone."

"But I can't just leave, I've got people depending on me."

Bella remembers his sick mother, who Bella would often keep company while Jake and Riley worked.

"How's your mom?"

"The same. But I ain't never giving up on her. She's all I got. Her, Lee and our kid."

"Leah's pregnant?" Bella's eyes bulge.

"Yeah. A boy."

She ponders this. She and Jake are similar in many ways. The sick parents, the desire to be part of something else, the tendency to pretend they are they aren't. Jake was always a good guy, with a soft heart. Riley had him by the balls though, knowing that he could take away everything in an instant. The money Jake made with Riley was phenomenal, and without even a GED, Jakes employment prospects were low. In the beginning, Riley seemed like a hero. Now, like Bella, he understood that Riley never gave without taking. And he'd take everything if he could.

Hearing Jake's spiel makes her feel...impulsive? Almost like she has no time left. She doesn't understand it, and decides to come back to it later.

She turns at the sound of Jake's huff.

"What?" She asks.

"You might wanna head out." He warns, knowing that she'll catch his drift.

She nods, looking over again at Edward who stands with his hands on his knees now. It looks like the game is over. Perfect timing.

"Thanks, Jake." She says standing up. She starts to head over to Edward before turning around.

"You're too good for this stuff, Jake. I hope you get what you want."

He only smiles, before shooing her off.

When she reaches Edward, he doesn't even hesitate to follow her as she pulls at his arm.

"Where are we going?"

Feeling both fearful and impulsive, she turns to answer.

"Your house."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing, following, lurking...etc**

**I wrote this all today, so excuse any glaring mistakes. Until next time! :)**


	11. Chapter 11

A small part of Edward wonders if this is a bad idea.

Between the comfortable lulls in their conversation, he'd spent the walk home wondering about so many things. He wondered what tonight had meant for them- if anything at all. He wondered why she'd decided to be more openly affectionate with him tonight. He wondered if she was wondering about the same thing. Were they on the same page?

To his credit, he'd been able to keep things casual and not spit out the anxious words swirling in his brain. That is until the two were halfway home.

"You _sure_ you don't wanna go to Rose's?" He asks, his quiet voice breaking through the silent magic of the early morning.

Bella looks over, a small smirk in place.

"I'm sure."

And that's that.

And he was so okay with it.

They make it to the classic Victorian home in no time, Edward leading Bella toward the always unlocked backdoor. Quietly, Edward guides Bella through the kitchen, past the dining room and left toward the staircase. The whole time, he prays to the universe that his grandparents don't wake up.

His room is messier than he remembers leaving it, but it smells fine so he doesn't worry too much. He turns quickly, apologizing to explain the mess, but Bella has already made her way fully into the room, running her fingers along the surface of his poster of _A Streetcar Named Desire_. The poster is only one among many. Somewhat of an undercover movie fanatic, Edward loved to collect posters, books and the like. It was something he'd picked up from his mother, and he'd always kept the hobby close to his heart.

Though a generally confident guy, Edward was worried. He cared what Bella thought of him- he couldn't deny that.

And he wanted her to like everything about him. What if she thought it was stupid?

"You like old things." She says quietly. It isn't a question, just a simple statement.

Edward remains silent as he walks towards her. She turns in time to see the question in his eyes. What did she mean by that?

"You always know the lyrics to old songs, you wear a bunch of vintage clothes...these posters..." she explains, a small smile on her lips.

She's more perceptive than he's previously given her credit for, and he can't deny that her attention makes him soar. Sometimes, it feels like she's somewhere else. Somewhere too far for him to reach. Now she feels startlingly close-literally and figuratively. He feels seen.

Like always, he grasps her tiny hands in his and pulls until she's flush against his chest. Looking over her head at Marlon Brando's weary expression before he responds, just as quiet.

"I do."

"I like that about you."

"You like that I like old things?" He teases.

"I do. It's cute." she shrugs, placing her chin on his chest and looking up.

He's once again struck by her beauty, her gaze stirring something in him.

"_You're_ cute."

She playfully scoffs before pulling back and resuming her perusal of his room. Deciding to let her do her thing, Edward heads over to his drawers and pulls out some of his clothes for her to wear. He placed the large shirt and basketball shorts on the bed, then turns to take off his own layers of clothes. While ripping his sweater over his head, he catches a glimpse of Bella looking at a photograph.

Feeling his gaze on her, she turns the picture towards him.

"Your parents?"

"Mhm." It's his favorite picture. In it, a 4-year-old Edward sits between his mother and father, the young couple laughing at their son's funny facial expression. It makes him both happy and sad.

"Your mom looks like Julia Roberts."

Edward sits on the edge of his bed, pulling on Bella's arm until she falls into his lap. She automatically wraps her arm around his shoulder, leaning in as they stare at the picture.

"That's funny. She'd love that." He laughs.

"And you look just like your dad." She says, gently caressing Edward's cheekbones.

He gently takes the picture from her hand, placing it on the bedside table before wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning back until the two lay on the bed intertwined.

"Tell me about him," she asks.

So he does. He regales her with funny anecdotes, enjoying the giggles that bubble up out of her. He tells her the good, and some of the bad and she listens to it all with genuine interest. It's the most intimate interaction they've had to date and Edward hopes they can always be like this.

* * *

It's almost five in the morning before Edward finally suggests they go to sleep. The two take turns changing and brushing their teeth. Edward doesn't even blink when Bella uses his.

Though still mostly dark, the first glimmering light of the sunrise peaks from behind the trees. The subtle light bounces off Bella's fingers as they rub his bare stomach, so soft. Edward loves the sensation and before he can consciously decide to do so, he leans down to place a chaste kiss on her lips. To his surprise and great pleasure, Bella leans in to deepen the kiss, using her elbows for support.

The kiss isn't tentative or soft, but explorative and deep. Tongues swipe against lips and soft moans come from the two. Edward is lost in the sensation, his brain on autopilot. When Bella climbs over onto his erection, he plants his hands on her plump ass. Giving it a squeeze, he elicits another moan and swirl of her hip.

His lips leave hers, only to trail down her neck, collarbone, chest- anywhere they can reach.

He feels like he's pulsating everywhere and has to work to pull back and gauge Bella's expression. Her hooded eyes, swollen lips, and twitching hips tell him that she's feeling the same. She pulls at his neck, and it's on.

Swiftly, he lays her down on her back before sitting up on his knees to look at her. She looks like an angel against his dark sheets. He watches, chest heaving as she rips her shorts off her hips, kicking them to the side.

When his fingers graze the top of her underwear, she lifts her hips, conveying what she wants without speaking. He leans down to capture her lips again, one hand holding up his hand while the other moves her panties to the side. He plunges his finger into her, listening to the wet sounds she makes and smothering her moans with his mouth.

He works her into a frenzy, his palm grazing her swollen nub while he pumps into her. When he feels her tightening, he lifts her shirt enough to expose her left breast and devours her nipple.

She climbs and climbs until she falls. And he catches her.

Soon after, with her slick, saliva filled hand and a firm grip-she returns the favor.

They bask in the glow, stuck on the feeling and eventually falling asleep together.

* * *

**Hi. Quick/short update. Thanks for the reviews, favs, follows...they all make me glow :) (even though I suck at replies) **

**also, seeing as this is my 1st story...it's also my first lemon- Oy. **


	12. Chapter 12

Gently, so as not to wake Edward, Bella runs her finger along the bumpy stretch marks on his lower back. They're faint and pale against his slightly tan skin and despite their ribbed appearance, are silky soft.

He's a deep sleeper, and the length of his lashes are apparent as they fan across his cheek bones. Hints of the sun's rays peek through the blinds, and illuminate his hair and face.

He's beautiful.

Keeping her hands on his lower back, she shuffles closer, tucking her face into his arm. He doesn't smell like anything she can describe, but his warmth feels good on her skin. The two had fallen in and out of sleep a few times, sharing chaste kisses and hushed words. In his arms, and in his room - she left safe.

Glancing at his face once again, she can't stop the sudden rush of affection she feels for the boy. The feeling is equally strange and comforting, but she lets herself feel it all.

She wonders - what does it mean? To him, to her? Does it mean anything at all? She didn't have those answers, and wasn't pressed for them either. It was nice to just _be_.

She knows there's more to be done, said and heard. She knows that Edward was rapidly becoming one the most special people in her life. And she knows, more than anything, that she couldn't stop the boy from getting closer to her heart if she tried.

And it terrifies her.

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The next time Bella wakes up, her entire body is pressed against Edwards, their legs tangled and heartbeats basically one. He has one long arm wrapped around her form, keeping her on top of him. It's almost as if he can't even bear the thought of her being on the other side of the bed.

Glancing up, Bella sees Edward silently scrolling through his phone, mindlessly liking pictures.

"Instagram this early?" She teases.

He glances down at her, before throwing his phone somewhere in his room, and hoisting her body up until she sits on his stomach. He grips her legs on either side of him, and grins as he sits up.

"Nosy" he whispers.

"Hi" she whispers back.

He gives her a peck- morning breath and all- before speaking.

"My family's downstairs"

At this Bella pulls back, heart beating wildly in her chest.

"What?"

"Just a heads up" he shrugs nonchalantly.

Her eyes comically bugged, Bella sputters before jumping off him and scurrying to find her jeans. Edward laughs.

"This isn't funny! I was not prepared to meet your family. You snuck me in here!"

Standing in just his boxers, he calmly walks over and cups her face in his large hands.

"Relax"

"In a minute" she says. Edward rolls his eyes.

"They're all really nice. A little _too_ nice, actually."

"Who, exactly, are _they_?"

"My mom, grandma and grandpa."

"I'm gonna kill you"

He rolls his eyes and leads her to his en-suite bathroom, which Bella notices is quite messy. She briefly grimaces, but soon after decides that if this was his biggest fault-she'd take it. He was seventeen afterall.

They fight for space at the sink, Edward obnoxiously shoving his elbow in Bella's face as he brushes his teeth. Bella does the same with her finger and some mouthwash. The mood is playful and silly, and Bella's giggling more than she has in her life.

And a few minutes later when Edward asks, "Are you ok?"

She says, "I am", and she means it.

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Downstairs, Bella recognizes Emesto from the skating rink at the stove.

"La bella ragazza!" he yells. _The pretty girl_, Edward whispers into her ear as translation.

Emesto's wife, who they simply introduce as _Nonna_, sits atop a stool while chopping onions for the omelettes Emesto makes. Like Edward had reassured upstairs, the two are very kind, greeting her with kisses on the cheeks and various compliments in Italian. They're unintentionally funny and tease Edward constantly. It warms Bella to see how transparent their love is for one another.

For the most part, Bella is happy to observe and just exist among the afternoon flurry. She likes the chatter, the laughter and even when she doesn't understand what their words mean, the sounds make her smile.

Eventually, Edward asks about his mother's whereabouts. Just as Nonna begins to answer, keys can be heard rattling in the foyer near the front entrance. With a few grocery bags, labored breath and bright red lips, a woman makes her way into the kitchen.

Edward's mom.

Despite her aging, She's as beautiful as she was in the picture, and is still a dead ringer for Julia Roberts in Bella's opinion. After briefly greeting her parents, and smacking a loud kiss on Edwards cheek, she turns to Bella.

"Hi there," She says, offering a warm smile and quick kiss on the cheek in greeting.

"Hi," Bella greets back, trying to recall her manners. "I'm Bella."

"Very nice to meet you, Bella." Her eyes flicker to Edward and back, "Esme. Edward's Mommy"

"_C'mon_," Edward mutters in embarrassment.

Her voice is pleasant, but loud. She's high energy for sure and it reminds Bella of Alice.

The rest of the afternoon is spent sitting around the kitchen island, food and stories being shared and consumed. Edward's grandparents are eager to regale Bella with stories of a young Edward, while Esme smiles wistfully. Bella gets the feeling that Edward's youth was a tough time for her, and she wonders how_ she_ remembers the time.

Bella's having so much fun, she doesn't notice the time. Emesto asks Edward to help out at the rink in an hour, and unable to say no, he reluctantly agrees. Esme offers to drive Bella home, but Edward insists on doing so himself, despite having to rush.

At the front door, Edward's family convey how lovely it was to meet her and beg her to come back again soon. Nonna, is particularly attached, hugging and pinching Bella's cheeks. Edward has to all but carry her out of the house so they can get into the car.

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"I'm sorry, they're crazy." Edward laughs.

"I loved it." Bella shakes her head, and glances at him. " Your mom was always touching you. You all seem close. "

"A little_ too_ close." he jokes, throwing a smirk her way.

"That's awesome, though." She's silent before she quietly adds, "We were like that too. Before."

He wants to hear more.

"You mean you and your mom?"

"Mhm."

He's quiet for a second, his eyes narrowing as they concentrate on the road.

"You'll be like that again." He says confidently, "We had to get there. It wasn't like that between us for a long time."

His mother's love was almost tangible, seen and felt in every word or touch. It was obvious that she lived for Edward. Bella couldn't imagine a time where it wasn't like that.

"What do you mean?" She wonders.

"Ma was really fucked up about Dad-obviously. He was her first and only everything. They started dating when they were like, fourteen or something. They had me pretty young too- They were only 20, so." He sounds like he's relaying someone else's story, and in a way it could be- these people aren't the same. This is a story of a different life.

"But anyway, after dad passed, My mom was alone. We were still in Chicago and my grandparents were here. They'd visit and help when they could, but there are some thing's even money couldn't help, y'know?"

"Yeah" Bella says, showing him she's listening.

"She got super depressed. Lost her job. Didn't speak to her friends. She'd sleep alot. " He moves his head back in forth, contemplative. "Eventually, it got so bad, my grandparents decided to take me in. She wasn't my mom anymore. She was upset, but she couldn't argue that she wasn't in the right headspace." He says, pointing to his head.

"Wow..." Bella comments. She's amazed. The more she gets to know Edward, the more they seem to relate.

"Yeah." He responds. " I was mad at her for a long time. It felt like I wasn't enough for her to want to be better. Like she didn't love me enough or something. So I was mean to her. I'd ignore her when she'd visit or call. It felt like she was leaving _me_ too. So I wanted to do it first."

And that right there hit Bella so intensely, she audibly gasped.

The two are quiet for a moment, Edward concentrating on the road and Bella concentrating on Edward.

"What changed?" Bella asks.

Edward chews on his lip, thoughtful.

"Nothing, I guess. Except, I realized that I love her more than I wanted to hate her. She wasn't perfect but neither am I. She was a young, single mom who'd just lost the love of her life. And my anger was just displaced grief, really. My grandpa said to me, 'Grief is just love with no place to go', and I never forgot that. So I decided to let go, and eventually... I did."

His complex words are stated so simply, that at first, Bella isn't quite sure how to respond. Actually, she doesn't think much needs to be said. His words are perfect - having both deepened their connection and provided some unexpected guidance.

"You're so special, Edward." She whispers.

He smiles softly, and grabs her hands tightly before kissing her fingers.

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Carmen is sitting on the couch, watching the kind of shitty reality-TV Bella loves. When she hears the door, she looks up at Bella, her eyebrow arched in annoyance.

"So, I spoke to Mrs. Hale." She starts, "And seems like you weren't where you said you'd be."

Bella doesn't even try to lie or cover herself. She doesn't want to.

"I'm sorry. I was at Edward's."

"He's a good kid and all, but Bunny, you've gotta‒"

"Be careful. I know. I'm_ sorry_."

"Don't be sorry, be responsible" Carmen admonishes using one of her favorite lines. Bella fights the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'm trying." She says, plopping herself down next to her aunt. Carmen reaches over and tugs her niece into her side so that the two are cuddled up.

"I know. I see it. We're proud of you, kid. Just...keep doing the right thing."

Bella licks her lips. The right thing- what is that exactly? And the right thing according to whom?

_We're proud of you _echoes in her mind. Carmen always includes Renee in these declarations, like she's her messenger. Bella wonders if the the sentiments ring true for Renee.

_Is_ she proud of Bella? Does she even think of her? Edward's words come back to her. Love, grief, anger, displaced...

She doesn't know if she's ready to confront all of that just yet. So she remains content that she will, one day.

For now, she burrows deeper into her Aunt's arms.

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* * *

**Hi :) Thanks for the follows, favs, reviews, lurks... **


	13. Chapter 13

After dropping Bella off, Edward spends the rest of the afternoon mindlessly re-stocking and organizing. It's Saturday, so the rink has been filled with a decent sized crowd. Several people recognize and greet him, but for the most part he's content to remain silent with his thoughts.

As is usual these days, he thinks the most about Bella. He can't help but be excited about their potential future. Nothing is certain, especially not with someone in her situation. He knows this. But he also knows that what he's feeling isn't being felt alone and he can't help but be hopeful that they're _getting_ there.

Up until last night, he wasn't sure they ever would. Though he may not show it, Bella brings out a lot of insecurity. Questions of his patience, strength and maturity are suddenly important to examine, and he constantly works to be the best he can be.

She isn't perfect, far from it- but he hopes that the more he shares with her, the more she'll understand that he isn't either. No one is.

But he remains hopeful and is content in that he is trying to have perfect acceptance of an imperfect person.

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It's near closing time- almost midnight. Edward hates this part, having to make rounds and kick people out. Most nights, the task isn't too difficult but sometimes...it is.

Edward soon realizes tonight may be one of those nights.

He notices his grandfather gesticulating at a group of guys as they laugh and taunt. The same group that had been acting rowdy since they entered the rink. Beside the usual antics - chasing girls, being loud and body slamming one another - Emesto also suspected some more nefarious business, he just didn't have the proof. He was nothing if not fair, so he kept a close eye but left them alone.

Edward walks over, irritated.

Five pairs of eyes follow his movements as he approaches, but it's the stormy grey ones that confuse him the most. He looks a bit older than the rest, and it shows in the way the other's look to him every so often. He calls the shots. Those eyes hold something deeper than annoyance - it feels like they're burning through him. Edward doesn't like it-at all. Instantly, he's tense.

Edward's brows furrow as he glares right back, before sweeping over the rest of the group. Among them he notices the kid Bella spoke to at the party. His name started with a J.

Jake, maybe? He'd asked Bella about him as they left the party. She seemed fond of him, but wary all the same. She'd explained how he was like her in many ways, but just didn't have the support system she did. He was a street kid through and through, she'd explained, but also one of the sweetest guys she knows.

Edward believed her, but briefly couldn't help but wonder - was her judgement clouded when it came to her past group of friends? After all - how sweet could he be if he was giving an old man a hard time?

"Alright, guys. We're closing." Edward says, his tone exasperated. He decides to try the nice route.

"Ah, come on. We were just fuckin' around. Right, gramps?" Jake says, lightly patting Emesto on the shoulder. He's clearly not sober and Emesto is clearly annoyed by the fact. "We're about to head out."

"I don't know...I kinda wanna chill a little more. Kick it with gramps and his _grandson_." Says grey eyes, nodding towards Edward.

He doesn't like the way he says_ grandson_.

"Listen. No trouble, you just can't be here." Edward steps in front of his grandfather, instinctively wanting to protect him. His voice is harder this time.

"Trouble..." Grey eyes chuckles darkly. His smirk is borderline sinister before saying, "Seems to me you _like _trouble. Looking for it."

What does that mean? Edward's confused gazed sweeps across the group again. The other's are tense.

"Do I know you?" Edward asks, tired of this back and forth. Grey eyes stands so that the two are almost chest to chest.

"You probably_ should_ -" he starts.

This kind of heat can only stem from some kind of dislike - or maybe the guy's a hot headed psycho. Edward thinks it's a bit of both. Whatever the case is, it's obvious he knows Edward. But how?

Mentally, Edward prepares for an altercation. Though he isn't a naturally violent person, he isn't afraid to fight. He's done it before and he gets the feeling that it's what this guy-grey eyes- is looking for.

Before Edward can reply, Jake finally steps in, his hand on Riley's chest.

"C'mon, bro. Not like this."

Grey eyes looks over a Jake, his chest heaving looking like he's going to punch him instead. But, much to Edward's surprise, he chuckles darkly, shaking his head as he looks down.

"Whatever, man." he says, shoving Jake away from him before turning sharply to walk away from the group. The rest follow, some jogging to hold the door open ahead of him like some king._ Who the fuck is this guy?_

Halfway to the exit, he turns again looking directly at Edward.

"Ask Bella 'bout me! Biers!" He shouts, chuckling, before heading out the back exit.

Edward stiffens as understanding washes over him like a flood - fast and unforgiving.

So, _this_ is Riley.

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The confrontation leaves Edward uneasy, prompting questions from his grandfather: Who is that? Why'd he mention Bella? Blah, Blah, Blah.

Edward has some questions himself. How does Riley know about him? Has he actually been in contact with Bella this whole time? What was his end goal?

He was tempted to call Bella, maybe even visit her but the time - midnight - had him reconsidering. They had been texting sporadically throughout the day but the conversation had ended when Bella decided to nap and let Edward work.

He prepared to leave in a daze. After cleaning up, organizing and shutting down - he walks out after his Emesto, who looks at his grandson's blank face with worry. Always the doting grandparent - he walks Edward to his car, murmuring words of wisdom in his ear. He knows that once his grandson is upset, it can take him a while to get over it. He tells him things like, _Be careful, don't be a hothead, they were just high..._

His words stop abruptly as the two make it to Edward's car. It's clear from where they stand that something is off, and once they're close enough, they can see that his tires have been slashed, and a rock haphazardly thrown at his passenger side car door, leaving a small dent. They could have done much worse- but the message is clear.

This confirms Edward's suspicions - tonight wasn't random. Somehow - Riley knew who Edward was, where he worked and what his car looked like.

Riley had been watching him or having him watched - it was the only thing that made sense.

Bella and Edward had really only glazed over her past relationship, the implications clear - it was toxic and unhealthy and at its core - just two lost people who wanted to find...something.

But when Bella had decided that she hadn't found what she was looking for in Riley, he was furious. He liked control and was possessive by nature. He hated the fact that Bella had seemingly taken some power back - ignoring and avoiding him. In his mind - they weren't over until he said so.

It was definitely concerning Edward, having a person go to such great lengths. So deep in his head, he almost forgets that he has to explain to his grandfather. Once he's recovered from his shock, Emesto was shouting away in Italian. Edward barely hears, as his mind was only focused on one thing:

If Riley had enough balls to do this, what could he have planned for Bella?

* * *

**Happy Friday! Short, but important update. Leave me a thought if you're inclined- i read them all :) **


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